Sunday, November 21, 2010

I can't deal with my alcoholic mother any longer?

I'll start off with the basics: I'm about to turn 16. I have one older sibling who is going to college. My mother has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. Lately, it's been just unbearable. I have been so hurt from watching her poison herself my whole life. It's ruined my family. My father doesn't even sleep in the same room as her. Speaking of him, he travels to a bunch of places with his work, so he can't take care of me except for the few days a week he comes home. I'm pretty independent, since I've been forced to raise myself. My mother went to rehab once, and I thought that she was better. But shortly after she came home from that, she relapsed. She also stopped going to AA meetings. This was a few years ago. I don't know what to do. Rehab didn't work, and nothing I do helps. I tried to become the perfect child, thinking that if I was good enough, she'd quit drinking. Now, I've given up on that and thinking that she'll quit. But since I'm only 15 as of right now, I can't move out. My question is what can I do to make this easier for myself? I have tried to cope and it's so hard. I struggle with self-injury. I've been cutting for a few years now and have been trying to stop. I believe I have depression, possibly am bi-polar, and maybe ocd. I have not been diagnosed, I am basing this off of research I've done. But my doctor is my mother's old friend and I don't feel comfortable talking to her about any of this. My school counselor hates even helping me academic wise. I would never go to her. I am not close with any of my family members or teachers (and it's summer anyway). I don't know what to do anymore. I get really angry and I think about how much I wish she was dead. It's horrible I know I'm crazy for thinking that about my own parent. But I don't know what to think anymore and how I'm supposed to live with her for another two years until I can move out. Please help me! Sorry this was so long.I can't deal with my alcoholic mother any longer?
http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/l鈥?/a>I can't deal with my alcoholic mother any longer?
You shouldnt say that. If she keeps it up she will be though
A link that will offer you some guidance is:





http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/





This is for people whose lives are affected by an alcoholic.





Also, your school counselor is required by law as is your doctor to report any suspicions of abuse or neglect. A drinking alcoholic parent and a parent who is not often present leaving a child solely in the care of the drinking alcoholic parent is a situation of neglect as well as endangerment of a child.





Is there perhaps a teacher or other adult at your school who you do feel comfortable talking to or confiding in.





You will be able to talk to others who have experience in a situation like yours by contacting Al-anon.
Gosh I dont know what to say. Im 18 years old so I dont have the experience or maybe a word to comfort your heart.





All my life I have had Manic piboar and was diagnosed at an early age. I a m lucky to have a family that isnt disfunctional. I can only imagine how alone you may feel because you have nobody to help you with your depression.





Its a hopeless feeling isnt it. especially when you are so young and dont know what to do with your life.





All I can say is trust God like I have and lean on him. He understands. When I had Nothing but depression I prayed a lot and he answered me and gave a life worth living.





If you need a freind you can have one in me.





My name is Hannah and you can email me whenever you want. I have a facebook aswell. Please you can definatly trust and talk with me, and ill definatly think of you and pray for you.





Like said I dont even have the words to comfort you and as much as I would love I know I cant.





hannah_hjg@yahoo.com
In some ways i can understand how you feel but in others i cant. I can understand it being hard on your own because my mother left. I have had to raise myself and be a mom to my other siblings because being single parent for my dad is hard. In all honesty i think it would be best to go to a counselor. I have struggled with depression and cutting because i thought everything was my fault. As if i wasn't good enough. But you cant blame yourself for everything. Its not your fault any of this is happening. You should go to a professional counselor because no matter what they will try to help you. My counselor helped my dad and I because i felt it was my fault for my mother leaving and that everything was my responsibility. She showed my dad the pressure that was put on me in words i could never say. Your mother may not understand the pressure you are going through. But maybe she would listen to a professional on your side.
Jen,


At this point, you need to take care of yourself. Join AL-ANON or Ala-teen. You will meet people who have been where you are now. They can provide both emotional support to you and tell you how they coped with the situation you're now in.





Trying to talk an alcoholic out of drinking or trying to be the perfect child will have the same level of success as trying to talk a cancer patient out of his cancer. Alcoholism is as much of a disease as cancer.





My heart goes out to you, Jen





Sean Roberts
WOW kid I do know what your going through my mother (GOD bless her soul ) was a alcoholic as well all my life. so I do know just hang in there do your best in school and stay tough when you finish go into the armed forces that will get you away the fast-es. Just as myself you will not be able to take women who drink heavy. But in the meantime hang in with your mother GOD will bless you. I was a teen she would wake me at 4:00am to do the laundry. I was beat with sticks %26amp; anything she got her hands on. but I stuck by her cause i knew it was the alcohol %26amp; not her...when she was sober she was the best... you'll be ok son trust me I know.





GOD will bless you
My step-dad was an alcoholic. He would start drinking as soon as he got home from work and on the weekends, he'd start drinking as soon as he woke up. My mother slowly started getting into the same thing, but she wasn't as bad and she could stop when she wanted/needed to. Since about middle school age, I was extremely depressed. Even know I had my bestfriend Jami, and both of my brothers, you kinda start to feel isolated and it brings down, I understand how you feel. Things got pretty bad around my house, my brothers and I were always grounded, for reasons I don't even know, my older brother and I both started dropping grades in all of our classes, and we went through our whole high school ';career'; barely passing classes. It sucked. It even got to the point that when my mom and dad wanted another beer, they'd holler ';NURSE'; and I'd have to get up from wherever I was at and get them beers.


Growing up in an environment like that is incredibly hard, people who haven't experienced it, they don't have anything helpful to say or do for you.


After I moved out of the house, I started to try to forget about my house and just move forward. It was really hard and took years to accomplish. But while I was there, I just did the best I could, I started cleaning the house for my parents, and cleaning up around the yard, stuff like that, just something to keep my mind off things. Also, I loved just laying on my bedroom floor and listen to music. Just whatever would take me to my ';happy place';. I tried so hard to self-medicate myself, and for the most part it worked.


If you feel like you have to talk to someone. Honestly, see if you can find a clinic around your area, something like a community health center. Sometimes they have amazing doctors that really care about who they are talking with and they do try to help. Maybe one day talk to your dad when you feel you can and ask him if he will allow you to seek outside help if he's not going to do anything about it.





I know my message seems so scattered. It's hard to pin point certain things that I could say that would at least make you feel somewhat better, so I will leave you with this:


if you feel the need to vent, about anything, feel free to e-mail me: jeniwillcockson@yahoo.com





I'm not on all the time, but I check it once or twice daily. I'll try to do what I can to help you out hun.





Take care.


~Jeni
Find Al-Anon. It's not the same thing at AA, but it's related. It's for the family and friends of alcoholics. They can help you figure out how to deal with anger, guilt, and despair. You are indeed in a difficult situation, because it is as if you were the mom and your mom the child. But you are not responsible for her!





There is supposed to be some improvement from one generation to the next. Your responsibility is to do that, to figure out how to be the best person you can, in spite of the horrendous obstacles before you. Do not take any of the ';easy'; ways out. Your mom did that, and look what she got.





You know of course that you, yourself, must avoid drinking. It would be dreadful to discover for yourself why your mother cannot stop drinking, that it turns something physiological and inheritable. but you've probably figured that trap out already.





Anyway, cut out the cutting, and just be a normal kid whose mom has mostly checked out of your life.





Oh, don't let yourself be picked up and ';rescued'; by some well-meaning (or not so well-meaning) guy. Again, I think you know that already.
you situation sounds identical to mine. both with mothers and personal ways it affects us and dealing with it. i actually found your question because i wanted to know i wasn't alone. your account doesn't allow me to email you so i put all this here. i would love to be able to talk to you. i hope youll email me: rosepetal.jrc@juno.com





you are not alone

How should I deal with my alcoholic friend?

My friend is actually my husband's cousin and she has been an alcoholic for years, in and out of rehab many times, but can't stay sober for long. She usually only contacts me when she is ';off the wagon'; and needs a drinking buddy. I'm tired of it and don't want to associate with her anymore. She is a mean drunk for one thing and gets very nasty and has done hurtful things to me when she was drunk that she doesn't even remember. She thinks I should overlook those things since she was drunk and didn't really mean it. I don't think I should have to tolerate her abuse drunk or sober. She gets really demanding when she wants me for something and won't take no for an answer and gets really upset if I don't return her phone calls or emails. My husband doesn't want her in our lives anymore either. I don't know what to do since she is family and she tries every now and then to get sober and if I have a talk with her and tell her I don't want her drama in my life anymore she gets upset and acts like I'm bringing her down by holding her past against her (even though its never in the past, its usually going on in the present or another relapse is right around the corner). Or she thinks that I'm not being supportive. I don't know what to do since my avoidance tactics aren't working. What should I do to get her out of my life, but still remain cordial at family gatherings without things being awkward?How should I deal with my alcoholic friend?
Wow this is a tough one and the best I can come up with is turn this problem over to your husband since she's his cousin. Let him really put the hammer on her because she's annoying HIS wife. Im sure if anyone else was annoying you he'd have a good talk with them right? So this gets you out of a confrontation and then stop all communication with her no matter what. And if she's not cordial at family gatherings.....well than who cares.How should I deal with my alcoholic friend?
i agree

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You should tell her if continuing to be an alcoholic is what she wants to do then you would not like to be apart of that. She's not being fair putting you to in the middle by some what making you decide between family and what's right for you. When trying to tell her this stand your ground just like she does and let HER know your not gonna accept this and YOU won't accept no for an answer. If being sober is a goal for her than let her know your completely supportive but if not then it's best you leave her alone.

How should deal with my alcoholic lying sister? She is driving me crazy!!?

My sister is an alcoholic. Her alcoholism has cost her her marriage her job and the custody of her children. I get along great with her kids step mother and I actually prefer the step mother company than my sister's. The problem is that she comes to the family functions and always feels the need to bring up past issues up in front of my other sisters and brothers signifacte others that will embrass us. When we watch movies she cant seem to shut up and when you do call her on her lies she plays the victim. Her children want nothing to do with her. She lies to my parent and takes advantage of their generosity. Fails to pay her bills on time and lets my parents pick up the tab. She is 34 years old. It wasnt until her husband left her in 2006 that we even knew she had a problem with alcohol. We all have gone out of way to help her stay sober but she continues to drink and bring drama to our family. I'm at the point where I have anxiety when I know she is going 2 b around.How should deal with my alcoholic lying sister? She is driving me crazy!!?
I think you stole a chapter out of my own life! I too have an alcoholic sister who lies. She is older than me and my mothers little precious, at least she used to be. My own sister did all the things that yours does, brings up things from the past just to cause trouble, and embellishes the story to make me look like the villian. My mother eventually grew to not believe her and learned that it was in her best interest to avoid my sister as much as possible. If your family is saying things like ';I can't believe she said/did that';, after your sister leaves, then they know that she is a liar and has a drinking problem. They wait for her to leave to say anything because they don't want confrontation. Who can make progess with a drunk? They won't listen to logic and they thrive on drama. Your family may grow so tired of all the drama caused by your sister that they will take her name off any invitation lists. Until that happens your presence will be needed at these events, if for no other reason than to protect yourself. If you are not there, then your sister will run your good name into the ground, and it sounds as if no one will say anything in your defense. As far as paying her bills, you can do nothing to change your parents mind on this. They are free to spend their money the way they choose. She is suffering even though she may disguise it. Her kids will never get over this and that's got to hurt. Just try to say as little as possible to her and try to take solace in the fact that you know no one believes anything she says.How should deal with my alcoholic lying sister? She is driving me crazy!!?
Perhaps you might be helped by joining Al-Anon. It is for family members of alcoholics, and you can learn a lot there and get support for the situation. You may also have to distance yourself from the rest of the family, because it sounds as if they are part of the whole dynamic, and there is no point in your suffering just because they are being ';played'; by your sister. Her kids are the smart ones. She will continue to use people as long as she can - that is why they are called ';enablers.'; You can't help her stay sober. Only she can. She needs a dose of tough love, and your parents are suckers (I am sorry to be so harsh, but it is true) who are letting themselves be played.



Oh, and I challenge the idea that the only way you can be part of your niece's %26amp; nephews lives is to go to these toxic family function, where you have to hear a bunch of lies about yourself. No wonder you are stressed! Reach out to the step mom. I am sure you can do things just with them. I know that you can do this!
Why are family functions the only place you can keep up with your nieces and nephews lives? Invite them over to your own house for dinners sometimes. Stay away from the entire family functions and visit with the ones you want at other times.
You, and your entire family need to attend Al-anon or a variation of it. You cannot save your sister or anyone else for that matter. Failure to address this problem with professional, trained help will result in you being bitter and angry for many years and will cause a host of problems for your entire family.

It will be very difficult, it will take time, it will take commitment and it will take courage......and it will be the BEST thing you have ever done for yourself and your loved ones.

Just DO it !

How to deal with alcoholics?

my dad drinks all the time since before i was born its gotton to points when he wa so drunk that he's missed my sister b-day party to the point where he can't talk and has passed out on the floor things kids should never have to see and it's really messed me up alot i have real bad anger problems from all the screaming and vickoring and staying in the car for 3 hours waiting for my parents to stop fighting cuz we were gonna go to a hotel. Now that i've grown up im 18 now i can't seem to get along with my dad i can't be in the same room with him cuz i'll or he'll pick a fight i try my best to stay away from him and i really feel like i hate him and i really feel guilty cuz he works real hard to keep up with work from 5 a.m to 5 p.m i can maybe get an hour of the day where he's atleast sober and acts like my dad and then by night he's someone else that He takes beer as his #1 prioridy instead of his family and im always told i'll get stronger but i feel weeker, what should i do?How to deal with alcoholics?
alcohol should be known as the root of all evil..i too am the product of an alcoholic father....i have memories of all of the things you mentioned...i view alcoholism as a disease....i just wish it was harder for alcoholics to get....that said the young lady who suggested Al-Anon was correct because it will help you understand your feelings and learn to cope with them...you have to forgive your father for his illness and understand that there are people who can not drink safely alcohol becomes their life....i wish the best for youHow to deal with alcoholics?
Join Al-anon to find the support you need to begin healing. You cannot solve this one on your own. You can find the number in the phone book... or through telephone information. I am so very sorry for you...and send you good thoughts and best wishes. You cannot change him... he has to want to get well for his own sake. Hugs, Gina C.
The two answers above have nailed it, ALANON. Seek them out and don't give up. Millions have been where you are. They have found each other and help in alanon. Good luck.
I understand, I am 25 years old and my father was an alcoholic way before I was born. I grew up seeing those exact things only my mom always defended us kids rather than my dad. I had a lot of resentment for him growing up and into my teens. I hated him so much and begged my mom to get a divorce so that he could leave us alone. (she was already concidering it at the time) He is the reason my sisters moved out so I was alone with him and my mom and I hated it. They eventually divorced and he did seem to quit drinking after that but it took me a long time to get over what he had put my family through. however, I have learned over the years to forgive. I still can't be in the same room with him at times but It is easier for me to control my feelings. I think the best thing that you can do is separate yourself from the situation that you are in. Your 18 years old now, if things get really bad where you can't stand living with them anymore maybe consider moving out on your own or with a relative. Believe me, once you are out of that environment you can begin to heal. If you can't move out just yet, try getting involved in things that get you out of the house. School activites, work, friends, groups, anything that will help you step away from your home. Don't feel guilty about how you feel. And don't let anyone else make you feel guilty. You are entitled to your own feelings. No one else is in your situation and you can only do what is best for you and your life.
Like i told another girl jsut now that has prolems with her dad..

I didnt meet mine until i was 7.

Hes was the most wonderful man ever.

But then i learned his ways and figured out who he really was.

He turned out to be a drughead, an alcholic, and abusive.

Alcoholics are very hard to deal with.

I eventaully realized that if all he was gonna do is put me through pain then i dont need him in my life.

I found out not too long ago that when my cousin came with me to visit him for a couple of weeks he tried to molest her.

We had gotten drunk and he went meet her in the room and shes terrified of him now.

For alot of people alcohol is a way to get things off of their mind. Or they have inner problems and use alcohol to overcome it.

Just try to avoid him.

Or tell him how you feel.

Good luck babe.

;D
Find an Alanon or Alateen meeting. Also, read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. It was written back in the 30's, but it will explain a little about the disease of alcoholism and it might help you understand your dad better. I understand your anger towards his alcoholism. The disease takes away everything, family, money, etc.



The one thing to remember is that you are not at fault in any way for his disease and he has to want to help himself. Stay away from the guilt because no matter how hard he works, his disease affects everyone around him and the effects are not always pleasant.



If you pray, pray for him. Ask God to show your dad his will. I will pray that your father finds the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. The program saved my life. I have been sober for seven years. And my alcoholic father died sober.



I don't usually do this, but if you want to email me and talk -blondspitfire61@att.net

How do I deal with my alcoholic father?

Let me briefly explain the situation.

My father has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. After a messy divorce from my mother, my father got his act together and sobered up for about 5 years. He was an active Alcoholics Anonymous member, and when he first started on his path to sobriety, went to a rehabilitation center for an extensive time period. Around two years ago, my father broke his sobriety and went on a painful drinking binge that last for weeks after the death of his AA sponsor. Instantly, his work, and family urged him into detox and he went back to the treatment center. However, around six months later, he began drinking again in private, unknown sprees on the weekends. I should explain that I do not live my father, so it makes it difficult for me to monitor his drinking. My brother has lived with my father since shortly after the divorce, however he normally does not tell us when our Dad has been drinking, quietly keeping to himself. Most recently, my father had a drinking stint last August, followed by one in October, then on Christmas. For literally a month, my father did nothing but drink. In February, my father renewed his commitment to “sobriety”, however that last only another month, and by mid-March he was drinking again. After that, his work put him on permanent “sick-leave”. His drinking was so severe that he was hospitalized then put into the mental intuition, where upon sobering, he vehemently protested that he did not belong in there. He was released and given a four month grace period where afterwards, at the end of the time period, his work wanted him to go back to a rehab center. The four month grace period is now up and my father is not going to rehab. He is drinking and has been drinking the whole time period in which his employer intended for him to get better. For the past two weeks, my father has been drunk. He sobers for perhaps a day, pays his bills, checks his mail, then goes back to getting drunk. When my father first began drinking again over two years ago, I was in tears. Now however, I am so numb to the fact that I can’t even bring myself to care. I sometimes think he would be better off dead, because at least then he wouldn’t be slowly killing himself with alcohol. My father has been drunk recently more than he has been sober, and I can’t remember the last time I actually talked to him. Sometimes I visit my brother (who is of legal age and old enough to look after himself), but it’s getting harder and harder to go over there. I don’t want to see my father like that. I feel as though I should be doing something, but there’s no point talking to a drunk-man. A family friend among other people (such as his current AA sponser, and his work) has been trying her hardest to help him, but after numerous attempts to have him re-hospitalized and taking his wallet and car keys (to prevent him from buying more alcohol, and driving drunk), he has threatened to call the police on her for theft of property. I think my father really does belong in a mental institution, because there’s no way a sane person would do this to themselves. I really want to have him locked away for an indescribable amount of time, because at least that way he wouldn’t be drinking. What do I do? He’s old enough to be making “decisions” for himself, but when all his decisions lead to his own personal destruction, I feel helpless...

I don’t want my father dead, but if he continues on drinking like this, I know he’s a dead man. Please, give me your advice. Nothing has seemed to work. We’ve hospitalized him, had him arrested for self-harm, and have been both supportive of him and isolative. None of these ideas work...what can I do? How can I save his life even though he clearly doesn’t want to be saved?

Desperate and jaded,

EllaHow do I deal with my alcoholic father?
Ella,

You are absolutely not alone. When the people we love hurt us by hurting themselves, it's a very helpless feeling when all you want to do is help.



From your information, I gather that you are a teenager? If so, please look up some Ala-Teen groups in your area (google them). If they do not exist, look up Ala-non.



Ala-non is the group started by the wife of one of the co-founders of AA. The group is a support group for family and loved ones of alcoholics. There you will find a way to work through the helplessness and discover the best way to help, to understand what his disease is and why he is acting the way he is, and also to get on with your life, whether or not your dad gets sober. Ala-teen is a the same, but specifically catored to the teen children of alcoholics.



Here is a link:



http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/



I know it may seem weird that you have to go somewhere when he has the problem, but I promise it can help you immensely.How do I deal with my alcoholic father?
Buy him another beer!!!
I grew up in AA, going with my dad, and VERY mad at him my whole childhood for being an alcoholic/addict.... Then when I got old enough I went and became an alcoholic/addict too....

You can NEVER cure an addict. He will always be an alcoholic/addict even if he doesn't drink for 50 years. He can change his behaviors and way of thinking, but he really is still an addict on the inside and that addict on the inside is always there, ugly as the devil and waiting for just the right opportunity to make us ';fall off the wagon';.... The addict inside is ultimately there to kill us..... We put down the drink or drugs and you think that the addict inside of us crawls out and leaves?.... He's still there.... We're just not feeding it's addiction..... and HE'S STAYS HUNGRY....

Believe it or not, we dislike ourselves most of the time a lot more than you ';sober'; people dislike us. We hate our addiction, yet we hurt everyone we love because of our addiction.... We start getting straight and doing right just to fall so far back down..... Nothing an addict does until he really gets sober is going to make sense... Don't try to make sense of it, because there's no trick or secret to it: There's no sense to be made. What I'm fixing to say may not make sense to you right now, but write it down and in 10 - 20 years see if you are able to understand. It's not that he doesn't love you or his family, it's because he's an addict. It's not that he doesn't know or even care about the importance of it, it's because he's an addict. A lot of things can only be explained that way. You see that and are still searching for answers, but that is THE ANSWER and only you can make yourself come to see that. You may never understand, cause my mom still doesn't. I didn't understand it myself....

Also, the road to recovery can last just about as long as the addiction, if not longer..... It's possible for someone to spend 10 yrs drinking and spend 60 years stopping. There's no quick fixes. No promises. My dad's been sober 14 years, but all he can tell me is that he won't have a drink today... He won't promise me about tomorrow tho.... That's just the way it is! It took my dad a good 10-13 years before he finally stopped and his last time was the last time... The great thing about those 10-13 yrs is that it was when HE was trying to stop... The many years before it was my mom trying to make him stop.

I know it's hard to understand, but it may not be something you have to understand... Just know that in the ';addicts'; world there is no sense... You can understand that!
I haven't drank for 26 yrs. I spent the first 12 yrs in AA. I was unable to stop many people from dying including someone I regarded as a best friend.



When I was drinking someone took my car keys from me and later I was grateful. We all react differently and even the same person can react differently on different days.



I think it is possible to have some tiny bits of influence at some times over drinkers and taking their car keys or hospitalising them against their will is ok if it is to physically save a life at that moment. But realistically, no-one can have sufficient influence over a drinkers thinking to make his or her mind up for him. So with the exception of emergency actions, there is often little to be done and people can and do drink themselves unecessarily to death.



Again, with the exception of emergency care, in my view, instead of railing against the idea that a person must not die in such a stupid and pointless way, it is better to accept that these things can and do happen and that none of us are exempt from things happening that we really would prefer did not happen,



My own Mother and I fell out while I was sober and the Police knocked on my door one day to tell me she had suddenly died, before we made up. We all have crap to deal with. I would say accept it, don't fight it. love your dad even if he makes a pigs ear of his life, because he is just an imperfect, fallible human being.
First of all you are delusional if you think that anyone can monitor his drinking. He is a grown man and can do as he pleases even if what pleases him is destroying his life, relationships and body.



At this point all you can do is pray. The rest is up to him. You all have done all you can. Pray, work on your faith and your life and letting go. You are not responsible and he probably will kill himself and you have to find peace in your life despite that.



Sorry.

Dealing with an alcoholic...?

My fiance is an alcoholic. He was attending AA for a while and insisted that he's not drinking hard liquor anymore. But I'm catching him in little lies about it and finding whiskey bottles hidden in different places around the house. We are expecting a baby in May and he wants to get married as soon as possible but I've decided against this. I don't want to call off the engagement (I'd rather work things out the best I can for our child's sake), but I am going to lay down some guidelines. If he really wants to marry me, I believe if he will do everything he can to make it work.





1. He must be attending AA meetings every week.


2. He absolutely cannot drink ANY alcohol (including beer and wine).


3. He must continue this for at least a year before I will consider marriage.


4. I want at least 6 months of premarital counseling before saying ';I do';.





The only problem I have is, how will I know if he's truly being faithful in his endeavor? I'll know if he's attending the meetings, but what if he's sneaking drinks? I can't always tell when he's been drinking. And how should I go about telling him this? I know he's going to be upset. He's a great man in every other way but I'm not going to settle for less! I do really love him but I believe marriage is for life and I'm trying to be very careful about my decision. Please provide your input.Dealing with an alcoholic...?
Hon that's great and congrats on the baby. Unfortunately, you can pretty much know that he is continuing to drink BECAUSE he has not decided to stop drinking.... YOU have decided he's going to stop drinking and it doesn't work that way... I wish it did. The only way he's going to stop is when HE decides it's time to stop. He's the only one that's ever going to make that decision and nobody but him will ever make that decision. You can't reason with a drunk and you can't argue with a drunk and no one can ever tell a drunk to stop drinking. THEY have to decide when they're gonna quit. Best of luck to you... Honestly. I hope everything works out for the best. I've been through it myself and I know how hard it was. My husband is 15 years sober hon and it's well worth it.Dealing with an alcoholic...?
Thanks for the vote! Good luck to you... I hope everything works out for you.

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Don't marry a drunkard...
I believe you are going on the right direction, you have give him some trust and support...it will be hard but if you guys love each other he will change for himself and for his family...if he refuses to change then don't marry him because if he doesn't love himself enough to give up alcohol then he don't love ne one.
i was married to an alcoholic. my advice is don't marry him! ia m sorry i know you love him, i realize he is the father of your baby, BUT unless you KNOW he is sober you shouldn't marry him! my marriage was H8LL!
i can usually tell when someone's drinking just by smelling them when they walk in a room. even a beer. can you give a pee test for alcohol? or what about a breathalyzer? they are probaby a bit pricey but you can probably find one.





someone can be sober for years and then drink again....
Since he's lied to you all ready, I would give it some thought.


Going to meetings doesn't mean he won't drink. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. (Second step of AA).


But if you really want to do something have him start taking a med called Antibuse. It's a pill given to drunks that make them VERY sick anytime they drink. That would guarantee him not drinking.
You ideas are fantastic! Look, I've been in a 12-step program, and if he thinks he's better because he's stopped using hard liquor, he is dead wrong! He is in serious denial. The very first step reads, ';We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unamanageable.'; But if you're still drinking, you haven't admitted those things.





My sister married an alcoholic. Based on what I've seen of their marriage, I feel obligated to advise you not to marry him.
As a child of an an alcoholic i can tell you that everything you said is right,and you just need to tell him just like you told us,please understand though that no matter what you do or say he might always be an alcoholic and he might not change,i have watched several men lose EVERYTHING (including my father who died old and lonely)remember that it is an addiction and could even be genetic,i hope for both of your sakes he has the willpower., if for some reason you end up leaving please try to forgive him because he probably doesn't mean to hurt you.
DO NOT MARRY HIM!!! You cannot change him and laying down all the ground rules in the world is NOT going to make him stop drinking!! When/IF and only when/if he stops drinking it will be because he realizes he has a problem that he cannot fix alone. Threatening to leave, call off the marriage, etc etc will only add fuel to his fire and make him resent you thus pushing him farther into this destructive behavior. For yourself, for your baby, for your fiance you have to decide to stop enabling him and step out of the situation until he can get his life together, if he ever does. You also need to attend Alanon meetings to get support for yourself.
Good for you make sure that before you say your I do's you know exactly the type of person you are marrying I wish I were that smart with my first husband as he was also a VERY abusive alcoholic as well


but to answer your question if you can not trust him then don't do it
I hear you, and I agree with you.





I am divorced from a guy like this. He said he'd stopped, he hid booze all over. I left him. And then he quit and we got back together, and then I started finding the bottles and realized that there was never going to be a way to know if he'd actually stopped. In the end, I had to end the marriage. I refused to raise my children in an alcoholic home.





I don't have an answer for you. I wish I did...
Out of personal experience. Get rid of him. Sorry to say it but I was with an alcoholic for 6 years before I realized that nothing I ever did was going to change how he acted. He drank before he met me and I wasn't going to make any difference. At the end he was just sneaking around to drink, didn't come home for like 2 days and started snorting cocaine. That was it. I have heard to this day he still drinks and now he has a wife and kid with someone. I feel bad for them but I am glad it wasn't me. I don't need that kind of drama in my life anymore.
Well this sounds all to familiar. I am a mother of a two year old little girl and her father and I were together for almost 4 years before we became pregnant with her. His drinking never really bothered me until I found out I was pregnant. He told me that he would stop and attended meetings and he did for a while and all was good and then the baby was born. And the drinking started again and worse than before. I got fed up with it. I left with the baby and moved on with my life and he continued into drinking his self to death. He would call me plastered and tell me how sorry he was and how he wanted a family and I told him that when he wanted his family more than the alcohol then we would talk. Well I moved on with my life and got involved with someone else and that seemed to make it worse but I could not feel guilty because he chose that life. Well in August he was involved with someone as well and she turned out to be just like him a DRUNK and out for herself and went on a being and ran him over with her car twice and tried to kill him. My heart went out to him because we do have a child together and there is love there. As he lay in the hospital going thru DT's and the pain of the surgery he had to have he realized that the life style he was living was not what he wanted and to have what he wanted he had to give up the booze. He has been sober since August second and we have talked and I told him that I would consider our relationship again after he could give me a year of sobriety. We are working on it and there are trust issues that I have and he understands that and we talk about it. I am telling you this because yes they are right you cannot change the person the person has to want to change themselves. It may take you leaving and moving on with your life for him to see that you mean what you say. And be strong do not flip flop. And I know that is hard to do but if you want the relationship to work and you want to be with him for the rest of your life then you need to do it. Once there is just one sign of weakness that鈥檚 it he knows he can get away with it over and over again. I wish you all the luck with your child and with your relationship.

Dealing with an alcoholic mother?

I'm 15 and my mom has been an alcoholic for 3 years now, my parents are split so thankfully I have an escape. Although, the probelm is...how am I supposed to help her? No one can stand to be around her ! She's like an annoying drunk and her mood swings are terrible. It's really hard because she's such a great person when she's not drinking, I mean I'm seriously worried for her she drinks more than 30 beers a day, wine, and ALOT of pills. No one can seem to help her, when I even mention the probelm she blames everything on me saying that its my fault and no one understands how much she has to go though, then other times she says she undestands that she has a probelm and the next day shes going to AA meetings...although she said that she had to drink all she could that night before she had to stop drinking. She had been really sick but continued to drink but then she got in a deadly car accident and realized that she had to quite drinking and fix her life, although two months later she began drinking again. And she locks herself in her room all day and night. I do not know what to do to help her, shes promised me so many times that she would quite but the next day I'll see her passed out on the floor. I think soon she's going to get really sick, but I have no way of helping her she doesn't understand the words i'm saying. And I just want to know if anyone has ever gone though this also, and did you also feel as though it's really unfair how your supposed to guide your parent, or not have that one parent their to guide you, or just you had no idea which direction you wanted to take because you felt so lost?Dealing with an alcoholic mother?
Relax sweety, there really is not much you can do. She will have to clean up since she is an addict ; she needs to be forcefully dried out, because her promises are many and mean nothing. Can you confide in a counselor at school? Tell them the whole truth and don't clean up the details. You have your own problems with growing up ; it is not your obligation to make mom grow up too! It is pretty clear that if nothing else, she may be in a fatal driving accident...may even hurt someone else too!Dealing with an alcoholic mother?
You can try going to the guidance counselor in your school or social worker. You need someone to guide you through this ordeal. I grew up with a brother 20 years my senior who is an alcoholic. It can be very exhausting. I dont know what city you are in, but you can also google a million resources that can help you on the internet that are available in your town. Try alcoholics anonymous. They can refer you to a center near you. Do you have any relatives that you can stay with? Many blessings
Live with your Dad or Grandma and go to Al-non for family of alcoholic meetings to learn how to deal with her. Tell Dad %26amp; Grandma what is going on and get away. Never get in the car with her when she's drinking.



You cannot help her. She must chose to help herself.



She is a grownup chosing this life-style and it is not your fault no matter what she says.



If Dad %26amp; Grandma do not help you, tell your school counselor.
Yes, sweetheart, so many people have gone through this. You aren't alone. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you can only control your own actions and not your mom's. She has to go to AA on her own and dedicate herself to it. You could work with her other loved ones to stage an intervention, but ultimately, her cooperation is still required. You can, however, join suport groups for loved ones of alcoholics. If you need referrals, please email me. I can get you to local agencies that can help you

Dealing with an alcoholic...?

My fiance is an alcoholic. He was attending AA for a while and insisted that he's not drinking hard liquor anymore. But I'm catching him in little lies about it and finding whiskey bottles hidden in different places around the house. We are expecting a baby in May and he wants to get married as soon as possible but I've decided against this. I don't want to call off the engagement (I'd rather work things out the best I can for our child's sake), but I am going to lay down some guidelines. If he really wants to marry me, I believe if he will do everything he can to make it work.



1. He must be attending AA meetings every week.

2. He absolutely cannot drink ANY alcohol (including beer and wine).

3. He must continue this for at least a year before I will consider marriage.

4. I want at least 6 months of premarital counseling before saying ';I do';.



The only problem I have is, how will I know if he's truly being faithful in his endeavor? I'll know if he's attending the meetings, but what if he's sneaking drinks? I can't always tell when he's been drinking. And how should I go about telling him this? I know he's going to be upset. He's a great man in every other way but I'm not going to settle for less! I do really love him but I believe marriage is for life and I'm trying to be very careful about my decision. Please provide your input.Dealing with an alcoholic...?
In my opinion, the most important thing you need to keep in mind is that alcoholism is a disease. I understand that you are hurt that you have caught him in little lies and sneaking drinks but, as you know, it isn't him - it's the disease.



I think the best thing you can do to help him overcome this disease is to be there for him and, most importantly, be supportive and understanding. To try your best not to judge him or look down upon him. Not to force him into getting help but to be with him through every step of recovery. Force only causes resistance. I do not think that giving ultimatums is contrsuctive or helpful in the situation.



I understand your decision not to marry him because of this situation and think it is a smart one. However, if the only reason you want to work on your relationship is for the child's sake, you may want to reconsider. Does he exhibit any behavior when drinking that is harmful to you or could be harmful to your child? Do you want someone who is intoxicated taking care of your child? I am not saying he is a bad person or that he should not be around children, I am merely stating that if he is intoxicated, his judgment is impaired and could be detrimental.



Best of luck. With as much thought and consideration you are giving this, I'm sure you will do whatever is best for your family. Please do remember to be understanding and supportive. That is the best advice I can provide.Dealing with an alcoholic...?
So he's willing to put alcohol over you.



No amount of ultimatums will ';cure'; his problem. Until HE is the one who WANTS to change, he will not.



While Dr. Phil may be an idiot, he does have one good tag line -- the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.



Until you come in first over alcohol, you should not marry this man.



-----



Added Later:



I would avoid Alcoholics Anonymous, btw. It has as a primary concept that the alcoholic is irredeemably damaged and permanently ill -- it convinces the person that control has been completely and forever lost, and that one drink will be all it takes to send them back into the pit. AA essentially teaches that alcoholics are weak-willed who can never fully regain their will (the reliance on an outside intervention, even if just 'Good Orderly Direction') and that alcohol has permanent control over them.



The most successful programs focus on helping the person detox from the chemical effects and then re-establishing the person's control, breaking the control that the alcohol has come to represent by building healthy self-esteem, responsible consumption, and the person's strength of will.
Never enable him in any way when it comes to consequences for his actions. Enablers keep people shackled to their addictions.



If I were you I'd cut my losses right now and run like hell.
I think you are very wise to make those rules.



If I were in your situation, I would talk to an Al Anon counselor and ask their advice about it.



My brother was a counselor for Narcotics Anonymous and he said the success rate is very low, but if someone is truly motivated and has the backup support of his friends and family, it can be done.



You should also not keep any alcohol in the house and not be around people who drink if at all possible. Help him avoid temptation and help him by encouraging his successes.
if this is the case, you don't want him, you want something else.....you want him to become what you want......you refuse to accept him for him



a person might simply like to drink, and if gotten constant negativity for it, yes, the person will hide it



when he is drunk, is he violent? does he hit you? does he spend too much money leaving you in debt? are is it just that he drinks alot and you don't like it?



if you don't like him for him, leave him, or shut up and let him live his life.....just because you don't like drinking, that does NOT mean that him drinking is a bad thing



if he is a violent drunk, there is a problem

if he drinks you into debt, there is a problem



if neither of these things, leave him be
An alcoholic is not going to stop drinking because you laid down rules. He will stop because he wants to. We can't make men change not matter how much we want to think we can.

I would take Gandalf's Ghost advice take my baby and run like hell.
Setting a zero tolerance policy for alcohol with no tolerance/forgiveness for slips may not be realistic in many cases.

People do not always succeed on the first try in many endeavors and you are asking the man to defeat a deadly disease.

The goal is zero alcohol but it may take several tries to get there.

It takes an incredible effort on the part of the alcoholic.

And it usually requires help.
The first thing I would do is find yourself a spouse/family support group for alcoholics and/or addicts. You will be able to tap into resources there, and get advice from other people who have relationships with addicts. It is your choice to remain in the relationship, and it is his choice whether he stays in recover or not, in the end, but attending such meetings yourself will help to gain perspective on his (and possibly your own) patterns of behavior which contribute to the addiction.



Good luck.
AA meetings every week won't do it. AA suggests 90 meetings in 90 days. Alcoholism can never be cured but people can live the rest of their lives without alcohol. I see it all the time.

The only trick is to give yourself to the program absolutely. Get a sponsor, go to meetings, call someone in the fellowship if you have a craving. DO THE STEPS In the order that they were written.

AA has saved millions of lives. And it ranges from the poor ';bum'; on the street to company executives and to every phase of society.

If he has you and the baby as motivation he has a chance but he must never let his guard down.And you can join Al anon that are a group of people who live with alcoholics. You can share your concerns for the one you love and is going to be the father of your baby. They will understand because they've been through it too.

Also, about him and AA if he thinks he's got a unique problem that AA can't possibly solve he must remember that we all thought that too.Just get him to commit to the meetings. He will originally do it for you and the baby but he'll end up doing it for himself. And that, believe it or not is where you want him.

God bless and help you through this.
Breaking the Chains of

Alcohol Abuse



“My father was an alcoholic, and I followed in his footsteps. At 12 years of age, I was already drinking. By the time I married, I was getting drunk every day. I became violent; often the police came to my family’s aid. My health deteriorated. Alcohol caused a gastric hemorrhage, which I barely survived. I then developed cirrhosis and anemia. I joined self-help groups in an attempt to quit, but to no avail. I felt as if I were caught in a spiderweb and could not break free.”—VíCTOR,* ARGENTINA.







http://www.watchtower.org/e/20051008/art…



Jehovahs Witnesses offer Free Bible studies...It helped me.

I think my mums an alcoholic...?

My mum drinks every night, not just one or two...she goes out to the local pub and drinks anything from 4-10 pints in a couple of hours,

i can tell shes not happy with her life, i'm constantly putting her to bed because shes that wasted she can't stand up.

i started uni last year and i had to defer my place around christmas because my mum was getting very ill and thin - i blame the alcohol, since shes the only one in the house she can get away with it.

i'm going back to uni in September, and i am really scared that she is going to get worse, i don't want to put my education on hold any more but she has no idea i quit because of her.

my dad used to beat her up but they divorced 5 years ago. i can tell shes not happy with life, both my parents were heavy drinkers when i was little and its all ive ever known,

can anyone give me any advice on how to deal with an alcoholic who doesn't admitt they have a problem,



shes recently been diagnosed with EmphysemaI think my mums an alcoholic...?
Hi! My mom was an alcoholic too. So was my brother in law. My mom died slipping and falling breaking her hip at a pub entrance door. My brother in law was 37 and drank himself to death. Its pretty hard. If they don't want to correct themselves, its pretty darn tough. I took care of my mom 4 months at a time and she would always manage to find someone to buy her a drink. You can talk to her and remind her you love her and that you will be there if she ever decides to go to AA or something. Keep suggesting it but, until they decide on their own, there is not much you can do. It is a process and sometimes succesful. It can take a lot out of you, so be careful not to let yourself get drained too low!I think my mums an alcoholic...?
discuss things with her, tell her about uni and what the alchol is doing to her. try to get her help like a talkline or something.
Try speaking to a counsellor, they might have some good info on what to do. Also Alcoholic's Anonymous - they are not just there to help alcoholics, they are there to help people like you too. They might be best for offering advice for you.



Alcoholism isn't about how much you drink - it's if you are dependant on alcohol, which your mum sounds like she is. I hope things work out for you or you find someone to help you. You shouldn't have to carry this burden on your own.
It is up to your mother to get the help she really needs, all you can do is pick up the pieces I am afraid. talk to her and see if she will accept help.
Your mother needs help, but only she can initiate it...you could try for an intervention if that kind of thing is available to you....If she isn't ready to change and help herself, no matter what you do, it won't make a difference. Try Alanon organization if available...You need to go back to school and take care of your life...get some therapy through your guidance department....Tell mom that you love her very much, that you want her to stay alive, but that you won't be around to watch her kill herself (which is what she's doing really). You could find some information on alcohol rehabs and give it to her, but it is really her choice. Good luck...stay strong.
watch this show called ';intervention'; its about alcoholics and drug users getting help, its a documentary.



it gives a lot of helpful things i think

watch one with alcohol, the end is where they get help and stuff.



BEST OF LUCK!
It's best to get advice from professionals who have experience with this sort of thing.



If you are in the United States there is a program called Al-Anon, that helps family members of alcoholics. I think they also have services in other countries too. If you go to their ';About Us'; page there is a link for International sites.



http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/about.htm…
I appreciate it is particularly difficult to consider not staying with your Mum but I really think that you have to consider doing it. If you keep deferring your degree course it will become increasingly difficult for you to go back to full time education. I did this - for rather different reasons - and regretted it later on.



You need a solution for your Mum and I think that a visit to your GP and Citizen's Advice - with a view to finding a suitable Counsellor - would be a start. You could also contact Alcoholic Anonymous and ask their advice - they may know ways to encourage your Mum to start admitting her need for help and get her to join.



Your Mum also has a debilitating disease - I suppose she smokes and is still doing that too - which will make it increasingly difficult for her to walk. She may even need a wheelchair etc. So also try Social Services - they may have a way of supporting you.



Also what about other family? Do you have brothers and sisters, does she have brothers and sisters? Anyone who might help you .... by helping your Mum.



You are obviously a very genuine young lady trying to do the right thing by your Mum and I do hope it doesn't derail your life too much more.



Good luck
Until your Mum admits she is an alcoholic, has a problem, there is not much you can do. Can you speak to her GP? Anyone you can talk to at the surgery? You need support too.

You can't be expected to put your own life and career on hold, you deserve that chance and shouldn't be dragged down.

Tough Love is advocated for addicts, not an easy option, people may criticize, but you deserve happiness and health, freedom from stress and guilt.
i know how you feel babe, my mother died 5 years ago because of exessive drinking, and it broke my heart that i couldn't help her, i was only 10 years old, and i'm 15 now. and i still regret not helping her. she's so lucky to have a caring, and most loving daughter like you. i think she could be depressed about your dad beating her? it can always haunt you and get you back in the long run. i think the diagnosis is quite shocking too. but you really don't need to put your education on hold because of this. she really needs help, so before you go back, take her to the doctors right away, and just explain about how she reacts and stuff, he may say its depression, or such, and refer to the alcohol anonymous, the sooner this gets sorted, the better, please dont risk losing your mum like i did. good luck.
I think you need to join that group that helps family members of alcoholics deal with this.



The thing is, you're putting your life on hold to allow her indulge in her addiction, and that's not good for you. You shouldn't have to look after her like she's a child, she's a grown-up and should be able to look after herself.



Blame the alcohol by all means, but remember too that your mother CHOOSES to drink herself blotto every night. And you CHOSE to defer your university to look after her while she's getting blotto.



You can ask the social services for help, too. I think your mother needs to stop drinking, to be honest. It's one thing that she ruins her own life, but it's not good that she's ruining yours too.
i have experienced this in my own family, and unfortunately there is nothing you can do unless she wants to help herself.



you need to tell her how her drinking is affecting your life and you need to make it clear to her that it is not fair. you are trying to finish school and get on with your life and the one person who should be supporting you is unknowingly holding you back.



do you have any siblings? if you do, make sure they voice their opinions to your mom too. if not, explain to her that you have nobody else to help you help her.



you have to make sure she realizes what is on the line: maybe your trust and confidence in her parenting skills, or her as a person; your education; your relationship with your mother; her own life, whether it be work, home life, relationships, finance, etc.



keep in mind that after you talk to her she might be angry first before she gets better. you may need to get her professional help too, but she will have to admit she has a problem first.

the hard thing is that with alcoholics, they see alcohol as a solution, not the problem.



good luck.
she needs help, the price of alcohol is going up, how wll she afford it ? contact nat west and get a loan to help her continue the drinking,, thanks

Dealing with an alcoholic mother/wife.?

Well I am 22 years old in college, and in the past 3 years or so my mother has developed into a really bad alcoholic. It has progressed from regular drinking, to every night, then every afternoon to night, and eventually to all day, every night for about half of a week. She lives alone with my dad, who works all day then comes home to her being wasted out of her mind every day. Obviously I feel horrible for my father, and I would like to know how people deal with this stuff. My dad is a very non-confrontational person and pushed her a little bit to stop, but she got absolutely furious when he asked her to stop. So after that he layed off of her because of things he had read, and he is basically just standing by hoping she will check into rehab sometime soon. She has been toying with the idea for the last 3 months or so, but always backs out. It seems to me, there is no way she is going to commit with the idea of rehab. I know everyone says you aren't supposed to push alcoholics into quitting, but my father is just so non-confrontational I am really wondering if that is best. My dad obviously has to love her, because she has just been terrible to him. He goes to work, pays all the bills and goes shopping for food...all the while she is just sitting at home drinking. She has tried to quit on her own and made it about half a day until she got very sick. So what to do? Push her into rehab? Or just let the alcoholism take it's course and hope she goes into rehab soon?

She thinks she is dying, and she might be right. She has bruises all over, the few hours of the week she is half sober, I can tell her liver is causing excruiciating pain. She has really hit rock bottom in my opinion, and I don't think she will live 5 more years if she doesn't quit soon.Dealing with an alcoholic mother/wife.?
Please look into Ala-non they are a group for people dealing with loved ones who are alcoholics. They are pretty much anywhere there is AA.



www.alanon.org.za



They will help you more than anyone here will. She needs treatment but it will only help if SHE wants it. They can help you with this. You need to help your mom realize her issues here. So she will want to get the help.



You really dont want something to happen to her and then regret not doing anything. Even if you try and it doesnt help you can at least say you did try.Dealing with an alcoholic mother/wife.?
Give it time. The alcohol will rot her liver.
You and your father need to look up AL-Anon to learn how to deal with your mother. They will have suggestions on what to do. Good Luck
You can take her to a hospital and have them detox her. Do it when shes drunk so she doesn't fight much.



You can get an ambulance to taker her in and they will put her on fluids and medication so she doesn't go into a seizure from withdrawal. They will keep her there until she stops going through withdrawal and give her the option to go to rehab.
Why not call AA and see what they say is best. They deal with this every day.



Sorry to your family
I would get everyone who cares about her together and do an intervention. She needs to be under medical supervision when she stops drinking to make her withdrawal easier and most important safe. Talk to a doctor, a rehab, or at least AA about this since they would know what to do. She is at great risk to developing cirrhosis of the liver if she continues to drink. After she dries out physically, I believe going to an in house program that lasts for several months might be a good start for her to learn how to live life without drinking. You will need to check into these ahead of time (before the intervention) so you all have a plan for her to get help. Do it just like they do it on that TV show Intervention.



Your father needs to speak up at the intervention and tell her that he will not help her kill herself anymore. The same goes for you. Just letting the alcoholism take its course is like saying let cancer take its course. Both can end in death. I would not give her one dime of money to buy even one drink. The money train would stop. Sitting around boozing it up all day while dad goes out to work and pay for the booze is ridiculous. If she did manage to get booze in the house, I would spill it out right in front of her no matter how much she yells. If she gets physical, I would call the cops on her. Sitting in the slammer for a night might make her take notice of what she is doing to her family. Everything you and your father do to enable her must stop.

Does any one have Addicted or Alcoholic siblings/Familes?

Deal with Alcoholic or Addicted Family.I do :/ since I been l very young like I am 30 now ..My sisters are Addicted to pills for many many yrs they can be with out it for few days ,weeks and have been for like 1 month bc been far away but it is like thats always on their mine. My brothers have done other drugs ,and 1 Alcoholic bro whom mentally abuses fam.I am the youngest of all and don't do any type of Drugs what so ever Thank God .It is very hard for me to watch my mom go through this for many ,many years.I can feel alone alot of the time but I have my mom whom I am very close to.She tells me evrything sh feels and I listen to her.I am the most that really care for her and go every where with her.But what she don't know is that I am dealing with my own condition Deppression.I sometimes tell her about my problems with hubby but not like major things.I always make her laugh alot she makes me laugh to.I Remember when I was a little girl when she cry I'd cried to.My Dad have never been a part of my life.I always said to my self when little when I get big i will never dring alcohol or do drugs,bc I saw the reaction of my Siblings and how they acted.I Don't hate them but I wish they would find Help.Addicted ppl are not bad ppl but under the influence on any Drugs OR Alcohol they can do anything Stu**d.I hope ppl like that can find help especially if they have kids.Kids acan suffer bc they can be taken away by ACS poor kids. IThankyou 4 reading and Responding.Bye!Does any one have Addicted or Alcoholic siblings/Familes?
No family members, but very close friends. I know of two clinics that had benefited friends..Stepping Stone and Lakeview Health. I'll leave you links for both.
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  • Advice (Professional or Experienced) on Dealing With Alcoholic Inlaws?

    Thanks to everyone for helping answer my other question. This one is different. I like my sister-in-law when she is sober, but her alcohol problem is becoming our problem. She lives with her boyfriend, their 3 kids, and one of the kids girlfriends. Thats ages 12, 15, 16, 20 for the kids. They live next door to us. I have had to report them to CPS for a number of things including allowing and encouraging the minor kids to use drugs, drink alcohol with them. They party it up, then harass us to no end to borrow food, cooking oil, laundry detergent, toilet paper, etc. We have cut off my mother-in-law over her alcohol issues, how do I set some boundaries here. We have a one year old who I don't want to grow up seeing this as ';normal.'; I love my neice and nephews, but think I am becoming an enabler. How can I say no when the kids are hungry, and need soap to wash school clothes? CPS isn't helping monitor them. Help anyone with real experience or expertise. Thanks in advance :)Advice (Professional or Experienced) on Dealing With Alcoholic Inlaws?
    You and your husband have some very 'difficult choices' to make ... and you should 'sit down and talk about what you can and should do' about your 'in-laws' and their 'alcohol' (and drug) problems. You are becoming an 'enabler' because you are 'providing the basic necessities' for the 'children' because their mother IS NOT doing that. If CPS is not 'helping monitor the situation' then you have to decide 'how far you will go' to MAKE THINGS BETTER FOR THOSE KIDS. If you can, I think you should go to court and 'sue for custody' of them (you will need HARD EVIDENCE that their mother is 'drinking heavily' and is not 'providing properly' for the kids ... and you and your husband and son should MOVE AWAY from where you are living, to a place where you are not 'exposed daily' to the kids and the 'problems' in that part of your 'extended family' before your son is any older ... but 'what you do' in the end is going to be 'decided by you and your husband together.'Advice (Professional or Experienced) on Dealing With Alcoholic Inlaws?
    I say keep helping them with the food, maybe invite the younger ones over for dinner on a regular basis. Your stable sane lifestyle will be a good example for them to see. Could the 12 year old come live with you? Those kids really need to be taken out of that home, it sounds so so dysfunctional, to put it mildly, especially if they are allowing the kids to do drugs. Personally I think your 1-year old will be fine, as long as they aren't in your home doing what they are at home.
    You can not help an alcoholic, but you must help the children. Talk to Child Protective Services again, make sure you take down every persons name you spoke to. It may take for you to speak to the Director of the Agency to see results. Don't lend anything to them. Have the children over and make sure they have at least one warm meal a day. If you can't do this, you need to help this children to get out of the hell they are forced to live in. The only way most alcoholics find help, they have to loose everything before they seek it. Alcoholism is a decease.
    CPS dont care if the parent is giving the kids drugs. However if you tell them you saw her spank one, the entire police force, a SWAT team and every employee from CPS will be on her doorstep in a matter of minutes. They will monitor the kids if their version of abuse is happening.

    How can I deal living with an alcoholic?

    During this past summer, my sister ended up in the hospital twice due to her drinking. She ended up going to rehab and now she is living with us again. My dad had recently passed away from alcoholism. I think it kind of gave her an excuse to drink again. I have found so many bottles of vodka in her room. I try to talk to her, but she usually just sits there and doesn't say a thing. Like one night, my mom caught her drinking and she said you better straighten out else you are going to have to get out of here. Well, we ended up catching her drinking again the next day. I realize when she is drinking because her voice gets all nice and she starts to slurl her words and she does these certain face expressions.

    Tonight, I think she has been drinking. I asked her and she denied it. I was like well then let me search your room. Obviously, if she let me search her room, she isn't hiding anything, but I don't know! It's just so frustrating. Then, she handed me this book telling me to read it and maybe I should go to a program to understand alcoholics. Well, how about no. I know plenty because of my dad. I may be only fifteen years old, but this has been really effecting my life. If she doesn't straighten up, she will end up dying just like my dad. Help!How can I deal living with an alcoholic?
    I was married to an alcoholic for 27 years. You can not make them stop, they have to want to. How to get them to make that decision is beyond me as my ex was drunker than I'd ever seen him the day I left him and filed for divorce. I went to one meeting of a group to support alcoholics going through treatment (my ex was attending AA meetings which was required after his 2nd DUI). Their attitude was 'you can't make them stop so do whatever you want that makes you happy';. This was not the support group for me and I never went back. My ex called me for almost a year after the divorce asking me to a movie or dinner. I asked him if he'd quit drinking and he said no, and I told him that I was never living under the same roof again with him. His response was he just wanted a date. I said ';If I don't want to be married to you, why would I want to date you? What part of DIVORCE do you not understand';. He quit calling me after that!How can I deal living with an alcoholic?
    do you know the difference between an alcoholic and a drunk?

    drunks don't go to meetings.

    The only way a drunk can get well is because they want to and have professional help.
    get yourself support from Al-non..
    Alannon will help and give you options locally. Look up the local meeting times. It is all confidential and if you are really worried, go to one just out of your town.



    http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/



    Also, check out this book ';Adult Child of Alcoholics';. There are 4 family patterns and you can pick out which one your family is in and how to handle it. Here is a link to it:



    http://product.half.ebay.com/The-Adult-C

    How does one deal with a partner that drinks till they go to sleep and?

    when they are awake, they are putting me down with everything that they would not talk about when he is sober. Even things that I have no idea were bothering him and also anything in the past I have suggested doing or taking part in, he tells me how ridiculous or stupid or impossible it is and I shouldn't do it. He is drinking till he is so drunk he falls asleep around 7 or 8pm all the while awake just putting me down and opposing anything I even say. I don't even try to have a conversation with him, so then he just drags up all his complaints. How to I work around that. I have tried to talk to him when he is sober, (during the day) but with no avail. Or first thing in the morning and he refuses. It has really hurt me on occasion to the point, I feel like it is not worth staying and I should leave. This is my second partner. I was married 35 years, but left. Religious reasons. I had or have never had to deal with alcoholic problems in growing up or marriage. This is all 8 years new to me, living with an actively drinking 3 to 4 nights a week till he sleeps. He is a great person until he starts the drinking about ever other night. It starts around 4 - 4:30pm through supper and then till he crashes. Then he sleeps all evening and gets up around 5am and figures I should do the same thing also. He is not insistent as he knows that is ridiculous but still he harps that I should go to bed earlier, I am not sure why as he is really not much company. He gets up and goes on computer for the first 3 to 4 hours every morning. By that time I get up. I don't rush, what is the point. He just wants to be left alone until about 9am. I notice if he doesn't drink for about 3 days, he is really extra sweet and smart. Just not sure where this is going?????How does one deal with a partner that drinks till they go to sleep and?
    I record him behaving like that when he's drunk. Then let him watch it while he's sober. If he still thinks that's ok, DUMP HIM!!!



    most drunks don't think they're drunks and think that the sober ones make stuff up. There's no better way to open their eyes than that! good luck!How does one deal with a partner that drinks till they go to sleep and?
    Point him to the front door, and don't let the door hit him in the glutious maximum.
    I divorced her. Nice life now, no drama, no stress. New woman in my life that only has a drink once in the long while and not daily.
    get away
    It's been said that a drunk person's words are a sober person's thoughts. Don't waste any more time with someone who obviously thinks so little of you.
    .I wouldn't deal with a partner like that. He'd be told to get help for his drinking or he could go it alone. I wouldn't tolerate that kind of disrespect.
    Why do you stay and put up with it . I had one of those and till this day i cant figure out why i stayed so long . Not a thing you can do with an alcoholic until there ready to do something about it . That day may never come . Weigh out the good from the bad and see if its worth splitting up over . If not then there is nothing anyone can tell you to help you out.



    One thing . Who is '; they '; You say they are awake and they are putting you down . Maybe you mean he turns into a different person when he drinks . They all do .

    How do i deal with my alcoholic mom?

    I am 15 years old, and i have an alcoholic mom. this has been so hard for me, because when i dont do something she wants done right this second she gets overly angry and yells at me and says things about me and my boyfriend and about my dad who has been out of my life since i was a baby, the things that hurt me the most of course. i need help to deal with this, and i need to know what to do. i love her very much when shes not drinking. she will lean over me and call me names and attack me at the worst moments. im feeling so cornered. someone help please?How do i deal with my alcoholic mom?
    Check out an al-anon meeting, which is different from AA and meant for the children and loved ones of alcoholics.



    http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/



    School counselor might be a good idea, too. Good luck!How do i deal with my alcoholic mom?
    If she's being abusive, the best thing is to call a cop.



    Sure it may be heard to do, but you'll be helping her in the long run.



    If she's just being crazy, find someone you trust (preferably an older person) and tell them about her.



    They might not be able to help but just talking to someone about something can really help relieve some stress.
    try talking to her when she's sobber, tell her what she says and does when she's drunk, and how much pain she's putting you through. and/or try looking into al-anon or alateen (google it), it's for relatives living with alcoholic relatives, it's at least a starting point for you. good luck.
    get a counselor, and cops to talk to your mom.
    Call up someone get help!



    put the alcohol down the sink.



    Help her along!



    Go on the show Find My Family and try look for your dad.

    How to deal with my alcoholic mother?

    im a 25 year old woman, i have my own house, a fiancee and 2 children and im still struggling to deal with my alcoholic mother, shes been this way since i was a child. i dont know what i can do, me an dmy sisters have tried everything we can to help her but she wont admit she has an issue. she is very aggressive and says the most hurtful things. i find it hard to love and like her.

    i feel so distressed. her whole family are alcoholics and they all die from it by the age of 60. what can i do?How to deal with my alcoholic mother?
    I know exactly where you're coming from. My Mom was one. She started when I was 7 and when I was 10 I went and lived with my Dad. I'm 17 now and she just got back from rehab after relapsing this past spring. It's hard. I feel alone like no one's like me even though there are people in my situation. My Mom wouldn't admit she had a problem until the court granted full custody to my Dad and it was a wake up call. My Mom said/says things to me too that are hurtful. She is a person that is full of anger and hate and I don't know what to do sometimes. I just look at the things I do have. I never had a real mother figure in my life after she started but I have a Dad, I have grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, etc. But as for helping your Mom, try an intervention. My Mom got pissed when my Aunt and Grandma did that but she's sober now. Try that. I'm still struggling to make peace with my Mom so I can't give much advice. A piece of me wants to hold on but a part wants me to let go. But I do wish you luck and God bless.How to deal with my alcoholic mother?
    Cut poinsonous people out of your life. It's like cutting a growth off without anethsetic, but ones it heals, it's so much better. ALANON can help you. It's a branch off of AA that helps family members who deal with alcoholics.
    As long as she will not face the fact that she has a problem, there is nothing you can do for her. You, on the other hand, can seek help and support through Al-anon....it's an off shoot of AA for families of alcoholics.
    Time to cut the cord. Enough is enough!
    Addiction is heriditary. This is unfortunante for children, grandchildren, great grandchildren or alcoholics, or drug addicts as they pass this addiction gene to every generation. My mothers side of the family is also loaded with addicts, with her father being an alcoholic, as well as several sisters and her brother. We were not exposed a great deal to them, as my mom did not want us around her dad or others who drank. She did not want us to view this as normal behavior, and did not want us to end up as others in her family. I suggest just staying away.
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  • Dealing with an alcoholic mom?

    mmk, so heres my story:



    My mom has been an alcoholic even before I was born, shes drunk every night (usually when I get home from school she's drunk, and she doesn't stop until she passes out in her chair downstairs watching House) and honestly, im really tired of it :-P I try and get out of the house as much as possible, but sometimes thats not even enough.



    My sisters have tried talking to her about it before, and I know how she will react : ';I only drink to calm myself down, I don't consider myself an alcoholic or anything like that'; then she'll stop for about a week, then start again. So I don't really want to waste my breath convincing her she is one and that her drinking effects me.



    since im only 14, I don't have a car so I can't make it to any Alateen meetings. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can deal with it?Dealing with an alcoholic mom?
    You know you could call alateen and they could have someone give you a ride. Try to check out some books on the subject or call AA (in the phone book) and tell them your situation and ask if someone could bring you some books. Chances are that they will. They are an excellent resource for you. Go to the library and see what they have available in the self help section. You are not aloneDealing with an alcoholic mom?
    people who are addicted really are greedy it needs to be their way or they'll flip out.



    it's a tough situation but you need to talk with childrens aid or social workers because those are not acceptable conditions for you to be living in.



    your mom needs to realize that it's not all about her. and theres nothing like getting the authorities involved to motivate someone to change.
    Do you have a family member, aunt, grandparent, etc. that you could confide in or stay with.



    I grew up with an alcoholic father and by the time I was 16 we were getting in fist fights over his drinking almost daily. I ended up moving in with my grandparents until I graduated and then went off to college.
    i have the same problem... well had. i told my mom that her alcohalic drinking scared me. it realy did. i threw out a few fake tears and she decided to go to AA classes. if that doesn't work talk to your school counsler. good luck!!!
    I*'m a recovering drug addict/alcoholic and it break my heart to think this is what I put my daughter through for so many years. Are there any other adults in the family that you can turn to for support-or your sisters old enough to be out on their own, if they are tell them you need to move with one of them. or an aunt a grand parent someone. Maybe you and your sister could scare her into seek professional. If all those are not possible you need to speak to a teacher or counselor at school have one of them step in to help/please read my profile and either you or your sisters email me if you need to discuss this more. God Bless Reggie
    I have an alcoholic father who has been an alcoholic ever since I can remember. I'm 25 now and out of the house, but growing up in that shite was a different matter. Now the thing with my dad is that he was a jolly drunk, but the next morning when he was hung over everyone in the house were prime targets for what ever reason he was pissed off. The only thing I could do was go over to my grandparents house as much as possible. I started doing this as soon as I got my license when I turned sixteen. What I did prior to that I don't remember. I know I stayed in my room as much as possible and out of his way the next morning.



    So if your mom isn't abusive or mean to you while she is drunk or the next morning then you probably shouldn't complain. It's her life if she wants to destroy her liver and more importantly her relationship with her children then so be it. You can enjoy it when she comes crawling to your door step seeking your forgiveness within the next forty years.

    How do I deal with a recovering alcoholic boyfriend that has been sober for years... see below...?

    My boyfriend and I have recently been having a lot of problems. He claims that it is because he is just now feeling things. Apparently alcoholics don't feel things. They are numb from the alcohol. I have never had to deal with an alcoholic. It is not something I have ever come across in my life. Well, he is feeling different emotions that he hasn't felt in like half his life. So he says that he has to relearn how to deal with these emotions.

    Yet while he is dealing with these emotions he has been barely talking to me. I don't want to end things with him because I really care about him and love him more then life itself. Yet I don't want a boyfriend I do not see and don't talk to.

    If you are dealing with the same thing maybe we could email back and forth. Or if anyone knows of a website where I could chat with other people in the same situation.

    I am not like a 17 year old are something. I am an adult.How do I deal with a recovering alcoholic boyfriend that has been sober for years... see below...?
    You need to go to Al-Anon meetings. I hope he is attending AA meetings.

    You will meet other people who will have the same experiences as you are trying to cope with and they will offer the support that you need.

    Neither one of you can do it alone, but these organizations can make all the difference in the world; I know.

    God bless.

    Dealing with alcoholic mother?

    Long story short-my mom and I have been estranged for 4 years. She's an alcoholic who has been in and out of rehab for years. I'm trying to reconcile with her for the sake of my daughter but not sure how to go about dealing with her illness. I'm too busy to go to al anon right now. Does anyone have any suggestions?Dealing with alcoholic mother?
    The first line of your question is my story too! I have found this to be true: forgiveness is not an option, but reconciling is. I've chosen to forgive my alcoholic mother (who's never said she's sorry) and realize that alcoholism is a big huge disease that takes a lot of time and love to get through. I've chosen to not reconcile my relationship with her because she's hurtful to me and my kids. I'd rather have my children without a grandmother than to watch her drink herself to death. (my alcoholic father died 3 years ago) I hope you find peace with this.

    God BlessDealing with alcoholic mother?
    are you 18 you can move out and not talk to her any mor


    This can be really hard and confusing. I have a friend whose mother is slowly becoming an alcoholic. You need to keep trying. It may take a while to convince her. But be patient. Call your mom everyday and remind her not to drink alcohol. You could be waiting for a long time, but you will continue to try if you really love your mom. Hope I helped. And I will pray for you and your family.
    I say you forgive her but not too sure about getting back into touch; depending on how bad her illness is. If it is something that will cause more damage than good, then just leave it to her to get well...once she does, she will contact you to make amends. Its hard to not have a parent in your life but if its not going to be a healthy relationship then it could be rough. Unless you want to try and help her get clean...in that case the roles will reverse and you will be the responsible adult. Be sure you are up for the Challenge.



    Best Wishes!

    Dealing with alcoholic parents?

    I am 23 years old. I don't live at home, i left when I was 18. My parents have been alcoholic before i was born. My dad is an angry and abusive drunk,and my mom is the annoying drunk.

    My dad went to rehab,but still drinks. He thinks I don't know. I can hear it in his voice when I call. My mom drinks all day until she passes out. She tells my dad she has a headache, thats why she falls asleep early. I can never call my parents house and have a conversation with my mom bc she is drunk. I get angry,sad,i cry. I wish ididn't give a ****, but i don't know how. She denies it too. We have a house upstate NY, they go on vactation up there and just drink. Then my dad gets angry, drunk calls my sisters, and brothers. Then they call me. Why?Why do they have to involve me? I don't know how to handle this situation with my mom. I need to learn how to not care about my parents. I am always stressed and upset. Anyone have an idea on how can I just avoid my parents?Dealing with alcoholic parents?
    I know how you feel, unfortunately. I am 26 years old, and my mom has been sober for just under 2 years. I have no idea how she did it. What i can tell you is not to answer those drunk phone calls, and not to listen to the lies they will tell because of their denial. Once i was out on my own, I really didn't deal with my mother too much. She would call, if it was the middle of the night, I knew not to answer. If it was during the day, and I heard that drunk voice, I always said ';you're drunk, i can't talk to you when you are like this'; and I would hang up. (Otherwise she would start an argument that made no sense)



    Basically, you can't help them. They need to help themselves. They will hit a bottom, one way or another. All you can do is keep yourself healthy, and that might mean not talking to them. My mom actually disapeared for almost 2 years, my grandmother %26amp; I never heard from her, didn't know where she was. Then one day she called my grandma and moved there. She was going to church, looked great, etc. She's been sober ever since, which is the longest she ever has gone without drinking. Its really amazing. I know i still have to take it one day at a time, because I can't let her ever let me down again if she chooses to drink, but i know that just for today, she is sober, and i am grateful. We have a relationship, and she did it all on her own. All of the help people tried to give her in the years before did nothing. She had to be ready, and it appears that she was.



    Keep in mind, they are not rational people. Trying to have a conversation when you know they are in denial will do nothing, except irritate them and cause them to say hurtful things to you.



    Good luck to you, and remember, take care of yourself above all! They need to want to stop.Dealing with alcoholic parents?
    Iv just turned 16, and im in exactly the same posistion. Things have gotten so bad. Any advice?

    Report Abuse


    Call Alcoholics Anonymous! Seek professional counselling!
    Danielle, I'm sorry that you had to live with that during your younger years. Now is the time for you. Let it go, don't even call. Find some friends and get busy living, if not this will eat at you. You have to let go. Find you a nice fisherman and go sailing, anything. Just let go!!!
    I'm sorry to hear that, i know the feeling tho, i got some family that drank too, my grandmother (use to), my uncle and my dad, all you gotta do is pray for them, thats all, god will take care of the rest.
    You cant just stop caring for your parents. The best thing to do is pray about it. I know how hard it is to deal with that type of a situation. My mom is an alcoholic and what hurts the most about that is that the only time she will actually tell me and my little sister that she loves us is if she is drunk. Me and my little sister still live at home. My dad hates it too. I have looked it up on the Internet several times and it said the best think to do in a situation like that is go to a family councilor. Maybe it will help you learn to deal with it better, and it might cause your parents to reolize that it is tering your family apart.
    Yes you can avoid them (block their number and never call them) build your own healthy family with friends and the other relatives (if there are any) Praying is not going to do a darn thing to help if you ask me. Time to take your own life in your own hands and stop crying because you were dealt crappy parents. Just be happy you are not a drunk too.
    Can't avoid them. Say a prayer, and hope they straighten themselves out.
    You can't change other people, you can only change yourself, so maybe you need to get some help dealing with them. Find someone to talk to.



    Good luck
    I think you should first go to an Al-Anon meeting in your area and share your pain and find some coping methods others have used. My step-sister goes and says that it is really very helpful. Good luck and God Bless.
    You might need to put your foot down a little. Tell your siblings and your parents that you will not get involved in any issues until the parents get into some treatment, and admit they have drinking problems.
    let go! easier said than done! Why not view this as an opportunity to grow closer to the family you do have!(ie brothers and sisters) You need to firmly inform your family members that you love you parents very much,yet you cannott and will be apart of you drunken parents maddness! You would greatly appreciate if they did involve you in situtions that involve your parents! unless it life or death! tell parents the same!!! stop getting so stressed out because you will make yourself sick!!!

    Help my boyfriend is an alcoholic what should I do???

    my boyfriend keeps promising me that he will change. He says I need to trust him. I try to but every time he does go out he stays out and gets so drunk sometimes to the point he passes out somewhere. We have a son and he is still young so I don't want to give up yet but how does a person deal with an alcoholic? Sometimes he gets real nasty when he drinks. I pray for him but how can I help him and our family?????Help my boyfriend is an alcoholic what should I do???
    I would really suggest you to find a support group called Al-Anon. This group gives support to people that have family, relatives or friends with alcohol problems.

    Personally, this group helped to keep my sanity when I was married to an alcoholic.

    Good Luck.Help my boyfriend is an alcoholic what should I do???
    Get a new boyfriend.



    na



    If you want to help him get him some help. Be safe yourself. Try Teen Challenge,



    www.teenchallenge.com
    oh so u want tat he gets well and doesnt drink just talk with him and show him the drunkards on the road how they look when they r drunk and let him drink finally once he will be ok and wont drink again
    Since he is just currently a boyfriend. It's time for you to move on.

    Take the kid and go. You must have family that can help out somehow.

    This drunk is not going to change. The odds are totally against it.

    I know....I come from a family where father was a drunk, older was, and they never could change....Booze took over, even the family!

    Sad that a child is involved, but it's probably in your best interest, and in the interest of the child, that this drunk seeks help.

    Or, for both your benefits, you and the child move on.
    tell him to get help that u cant help him if he dont want help. and u refuse to go thru the pain n hurt of what is to come if he refuses to think more of what he wants to have with u. if he doesnt want the help there is nothin u can do but leave him
    i would suggest that you leave him, and go to your family like your parents for help. but if you don't want to leave him why don't you suggest to him to go to alcoholics anonymous.
    it's because woman always want there man to change and they never do ..............and men always want there girl to stay the same and they never do................................. so is life
    Keep praying,persuade him to change,and have more hope and faith in him.
    tell him to stop drinking
    honey sit down with him and give him and ultimatum...if he doesn't change you will leave. If he doesn't change LEAVE!!! what is the sense in putting yourself and your child through hell for someone who wont change...
    I understand where ur coming from, cuz my bf and I had this same problem. I had to just stop being there 4 him, so that he could c nobody else would take care of him when he was drunk. He use to get drunk and come home and try 2 start fights, so I decided to teach him a lesson and just leave him alone. We also have a daughter 2gether and I did not want her to see him drunk, so I also had to do this 4 her sake as well. He got the point and did change and I haven't had any trouble since. Its been a year and a half now.
    my first thought is for you to leave him - i know, not what you want to hear, but it will be better for your son not to grow up with that example. and don't that he doesn't understand - kids learn almost 80% of what they will ever know about relationshiprs by the time they are 9 or10. so these are TRULY his formative years



    my next piece of advice if you insist on staying with him is to find yourself a Al ANON meeting for family members and friends of alcoholics to teach you how to deal with him and survive.



    Try to get him to go to AA, but even if he doesnt go - you go to te family meetings



    good luck to you dear
    I was going to tell you to get out, that if you stay with him then just realize that this is what you would be choosing for the rest of your life, but you have a child. Now it's too late and this is a mess. Baby needs a Daddy, but boyfriend probably isn't capable of being a Daddy. But baby doesn't need his male role model to teach him the alcoholic mindset. His addiction not only affects his body, but all of his relationships. He will continue making promises to change, but he can't. He's an addict. He needs treatment, but he probably sees no value in getting it. All I can suggest to you now is that you join Alanon, the support group for people in the lives of alcoholics and surround yourself with a good support group who you can learn and grow from. They can support you and guide you into how to handle this and make better decisions in the relationship going forward. I'm sorry. :-(
    An alcoholic will only change when they want to. It is a disease, that needs treatment. He has to realize the consequences of his action. Give him an ultimatum, it is the booze or you. If he doesn't get help, he will take you and the child down with him.
    I know that it's hard girl, but you have to take matters into your own hands. Apparently, he taking you for a joke, because he see that you are always going to be there for him. Next time he disappoints you, do something he never expects out of you. Tell him he can't come around you or your son until he straightens up. Put him out and don't call him or pay him any mind. I'm not telling you this to be mean, but if he see that you are not playing with him anymore, then he will have to decide if he wants to keep drinking or have his family back.
    Dump him or he'll just drag you down. First lesson in life, you can't change anyone who doesn't wish to change. You also can't trust him, even though he thinks he deserves it, you can't. Where is he when he passes out and who is he with? Think about your personal safety and ditch the dude!!



    By staying with him you are telling your child that this type of relationship is acceptable. Would you want your child involved with someone like this?
    bring him in rehabilitation center they will take care of him and besides they know what the right thing to do
    Unless he wants to quit, he won't do it for you or anyone else. He has to do it for himself. If you plan to stay with him, go to Al-anon and they will help you cope and understand an alcoholic. Alcoholism is a disease but it is the only disease that can send you to jail. He could get a DUI and kill someone or get violent with you. I wish I could help you. I have a son that is an alcoholic and he has been to treatment so many times and still falls off the wagon about every six months. I have prayed so hard through the years just like you. My heart goes out to you. These guys are really good guys when they are sober if they could only stay that way. Easier said than done.
    threaten him. yeah. tell him you'll leave him if he will not change. have a serious talk with him. explain him that he should be a good model to his son and that you and your son need a lot of loving care from him. also, organize activities that will keep him busy. example is sports activities, wherein he'll be very busy that he'll forget alcohol! keep alcoholic drinks out of his sight. if he's going out, accompany him so you can guard his actions. sometimes you really have to be strict so that your bf will learn.
    How can you say you are staying for your sons sake? That is a cop out. You are ruining your sons life by staying with a drunk. Tell him he needs to sober up attend AA on his time away from you and your child OR get some guts and stop appeasing a sick man. Why are you putting up with such abuse?????? Sad. You are staying because you are weak nothing more nothing less. You are allowing him to stay a drunk while you do not force the issue. Get some nerve and do what is right for your son he is going to be ruined because of your own fear. Leave!
    Why is it that so many women are attracted to men who are alcoholics? It just seems so stereotypical...



    I'm sorry to hear this. Here are the facts: You can't change a man. He has to want to change. You can support him and try to get him to attend treatments but it really comes down to what he wants to do. What is the american saying? ';You can drag a horse to water but you can't force it to drink?';



    Good luck.
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