Monday, December 12, 2011

How can I deal with my alcoholic father?

I am 23, I live with my family... my father has a drinking problem. Every time he gets drunk he picks fights -- neighbors, random strangers... I feel ashamed. Sometimes, he gets angry at us for no reason at all.

He has a lot of enemies... when he gets drunk.. his words are just horrible and violent.. his words hurt other people.

Every time, I confront his behavior.. he'll just deny that something's wrong with him. He'll just blame others, sometimes.. he would blame my mom.. or me. I love him, because he's my father. But I am starting to get tired of his behavior...

If he comes home drunk tonight...

I don't know what to do.How can I deal with my alcoholic father?
I sympathise as I grew up with an alcoholic father and he ruined my childhood and messed up my head. I have tried all I could to help him like contact different agencies who deal with this kind of thing but they all say that until he recognises he has a problem then they cannot help.

I have had to put up with him being arrested for drunk and disorderly, shoplifting while out of his face and all sorts of other abusive behaviour. I have been the laughing stock because of him especially when his name goes in the paper. I cut ties when he started to come to my home where I live with my son and start again. I have tried and failed with him, he doesn't want help and I am ****** if he is going to ruin my life anymore.

I can tell you really care for your dad and want to help him all that you can. Try and talk to him when he is sober, tell him his behaviour makes you unhappy and you worry one of these days he is going to get seriously hurt if he has so many enemies. You say he never listens, make him listen, start to raise your voice if you have to.

If he still doesn't listen, which he probably won't, then you need to start putting yourself first and try and get out of such an environment. It is no fun living on your nerves wondering if he is going to come in drunk tonight, it is soul destroying.

I wish you all the best in this tough situation xHow can I deal with my alcoholic father?
I see you care about him which is great but sometimes its good to do touch love. tell him when hes sober, dad you have a problem and you know it your just not accepting it. Im going to try and get you help I have a list of rehabs and aaa meetings you can go to ( find out this information of course ) and you can talk openly and try to fix the problem bc I love you and its sad to see you like this bc its not the real you I know. If your not willing to accept it then I cant help you dont come to me for help or money because what you are doing is killing yourself slowly

and maybe you can try and bring up some information about drinking. have it all like prepared in a folder to show to him. It might make a difference trust me.
Get in touch with Al-Anon
Why should you confront him? He is an adult and he has an addiction that he can't control. He can no more stop drinking than a heroin addict can just stop taking heroin.

But you can't help an addict who doesn't want help, and he clearly doesn't want your help.

So leave him alone. You can't control his behavior, nor do you have any right to condemn him. If you don't like living with him, move out on your own. You are an adult, and you are living in his house. Maybe it's time to get your own place and let your parents live their own lives.
I totally agree with pittyakk. Get in touch with Al-Anon


They will help you learn ways to deal with yourself - family - and him.
You cant do anything about it. He has to realise for himself he has a problem, or why would he fix something that to him, isn't broken? As a recovered addict I can tell you that it's not you or your mother. ITS HIM. I have a 3 year old beautiful daughter and she wasn't enough to get clean by myself! I had to be court ordered to rehab, and after awhile I realised I had a problem. Only then could I get better. Unfortunately your dad is up in age, and most likely set in his ways. Don't confront him or tell him he's an alky. It will only make life harder for u and mom. Sometimes you have to leave, or else he wont hit rock bottom. Why would he get clean if he has a place to stay and money for beer? I dont know what you have in your country, but i'd tell ur mom to tell him detox or the streets. Maybe then he could see how bad he really is. Its harsh but REAL.
Sad that at 23 you are still stuck with your alcoholic father. It seems to be a lifelong distressing situation which you have been subjected to. Clearly at 55 he will not reform and his alcoholism will send him to an early grave. Sadly as a young lady, your protectionist feelings for your father is understandable. It maybe important for you to adopt an authoritarian approach towards your father. In that way the roles are swopped and you become practically his mother. Do not waste your time trying to wean him off the bottle. Instead start setting rules which he is bound to break. When he does start punishing him. If he is unemployed then clearly you and/or your mother are supporting his habit. Punishment may take the form of depriving him of money to buy the booze? It will make him sick a few days but he will learn eventually who is in charge. Once he does then ';permit'; him to drink again but subject to conditions such as no fighting with the neighbours, no being violent etc. Hope this helps
first you have to love your father, he badly need that. second there are groups of people who are helping each other to handle alcoholism. the AA. in other countries are present.
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