You have your answer already. We can't change anyone else only ourselves and our situations. All the best.How do I deal with an abusive, alcoholic father?
Make the stay as temporary as possible. He won't change, so you'd be best to avoid him.
Leave as soon as you find a place.
You are merely indulging in his need for communication when he is in his drunk condition.
If there is anyone who should deal with him, is your mum.
If your mum is not, why should you?
Your job is to be a son, to be filial and do your best to take care of his needs.
He...as a man and father, is responsible for his own life.
You have yours, he owns his.
Dun try in vain, to change one's habits.
He is in charge of his choices and habits.
What you can do is not to give him more allowance than you are already. And when he is abusing you, ignore him.
He will get bored after a while when he is not getting the kinda response he usuall gets; or wishes to get.
Unless it gets violent, otherwise continute ignoring him then move out when you can.
Write him a note of your thoughts when you leave.
Leave him to decide his own life and whether he wants his son back; or carry on wasting away as a sod.
You have been a good son. But you need to live your life and not be like him in your time when you become someone's father.
I'm not sure why you need a 'temporary' place, but often times, situations like this are viewed in a two-sided way by the host (even more likely if it's a parent).
One the one hand, it's his place. He is used to having things a certain way, and views your presence as an intrusion.
On the other, you are his son, and he is happy to see you on a regular basis. Although this would seem to make him nicer, often times it just worsens the situation. It feels good for him to be around you, and it feels good to rip on you. SO, he hangs out around you and makes your life hell.
There is no easy way out. Battle through it, find a different place as soon as you can, and don't burn any bridges until you are out the door.
U could either confront him about his attitude or stay away from him.
I find in situations like this the person(yuor father)percieves himself as worthless and by trying to make others look bad or by degrading them the person thinks that makes himself look better.Of course that is not true but I think that is the reason they do what they do. If you are waiting for approval from a drunk remember this...the only one you have to answer to is you. I sought my fathers approval most of my life and didnt get it,but I found myself much happier when i realized I did not need it.
keeping in mind that he's just human and can make mistakes too is important.. Even thoufgh it doesnt excuse him of his attitudes and aggressiveness towards you, you're always gonna be his son and you shoud pay your respect as you've been doing...
He sounds like a lonely bitter guy to me.... likes to be the victim of everything... am I right? If I am right, don't get into his game... he's probably trying to irritate you so you can argue, he can play the victim and that's probably his excuse for everything, including the drinking....
( If this description doesnt match, I'm sorry.... I dont mean to insult anyonw... I just know someone that sounds like your description of your dad)
We should always want the best for our parents, and we have to keep in mind that getting opld is not easy....he's probably going through some changes he can't get used to... and drinking is probably the way he found to cope with his problems...
I think you should keep visiting him and just not let his comments bother you... just picture it coming in through one ear and out the other...At least this way you'll help him have a little more pleasant elderly years....you know that if you don't he'll be bitter about it... Try to talk to him and help him... dont try to force him to do anything, it wont help
I hope you dont give up on your dad but only you know your reality and how bad/good it is... I wish you good luck and patience!!!
take care.
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