How to deal with an alcoholic bf?

I am having dilemma on what to do with my relationship.





Me and my bf have been living together for 4 years now. Things got worse recently when he has gotten into a big fight. Not entirely his fault but he almost got killed that night (thanks to his big mouth with another drunk man at the bar).





He used to be fun, energetic and nice with people around him but now he is becoming spiteful, grumpy, less energetic, defensive, moody and often made people around him uncomfortable every time we went out.





Recently we get to know this nice girl ( from another bar who used to serve for us). However, for the past few nights ever time he drinks, he would take the effort to look after her and invite her to join us after dinner. Normally he will start drinking after 6 pm and will drink up to 8-10 glasses of gin and tonic every night until he doesn't make sense and start making me upset. My bf claims they are just drinking buddies (of course while sober the next morning). I have tried to bring him to talk about it over but he said I am just being insecure, jealous and childish over that girl.





Every now and then we end up not talking to each other in the morning because he often refuses to discuss things and keep claiming I am overacting. People around the neighborhood have started to talk behind our back and I am starting to become sad, angry, clueless and numb. Tonight, I feel like he is going to hit me or throw me out from the house because I just told him that I am not feeling comfortable. I am scared.





What should I do? Does he really has alcoholic problem? Does he really choose to drink to make me go away (escapism?)





Please have your say. I dont know what to do..How to deal with an alcoholic bf?
You need to leave him alone for awhile, let him see for himself what he's doing is hurting you and you only. My answer to that question about him drinking to much is yes but you can not change what he does today but you can change what he does tomorrow. I see that you have feelings for him it looks like but you have to move on if he does not want to change, you have to do something you want in life for a change.Once he sees that you have left only if he cares about you he'll stop drinking.How to deal with an alcoholic bf?
Your fear is of being left out and alone, you ALREADY know that he has a problem with alcohol. Get some counseling, and please don't make it YOUR fault. He needs help and to believe HE HAS a problem. Best Wishes to you...life is too short to be unhappy remember that please.
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself what YOU'RE getting out of this relationship? It seems to me, what you're getting is embarrassment, headaches, worries, sadness...nothing good. So, I can't help wondering why you're sticking around? You don't owe him the rest of your life, you know.
It you are afraid of him, leave. Life with an alcoholic is no fun, over the years he will suck you dry and leave your withered corpse to rot while he goes to find another drink. the drink will always be the first love of an alcoholic.
I think you should break up with him. find a friend to help (probably a guy if you can) and get your stuff and leave. you shouldn't live like that. get out before something bad happens sweetie. please leave. if you need more advise email me.
When he is drunk you need to strip naked and do whatever he wants you to do. You are the woman and should please him anyway you can.
go to al-anon





http://www.al-anon.org





They will teach you how to help yourself with his addiction and they we teach you how to help him and what the boundaries are. Trying to help the wrong way is worse than doing nothing at all.
I didn't even read the long story. YOU LEAVE HIM. you aren't married. If you don't leave him then plan to deal with it for the rest of your life and NOT complain since you CHOSE to stay.
Speaking from experience - leave him and don't look back, no matter how much you want to. Drinking or ';sober'; he'll always be an addict.
Sounds like alcoholic.


You can't help him. Better leave now and avoid further pain.
RUN RUN as fast as you can
When I figure it out I'll let you know. He is you boyfriend - right? Not your husband -Run -Now! -Run like the wind. Get the hell out of there.
tell him he get's help or your are out if he doesn't get help then you know for sure what the most important thing in is life is....drinking
dump him...do you really need to think about it





you said it yourself...he is an alcoholic
He's not your husband..what's the dillemma, leave him!
Life is too short. DUMP HIM!
When I had an alcoholic boyfriend I would just buy him booze, until one day it got old so we broke up. He is still a boozer, but I get along better with him now. What a load off...
If you desire to live a very unhappy life, stay with him. But if you want to have a worthwhile relationship with another human being, you better look somewhere else. The problem is that most alcoholic do not get cured (in spite of AAA). But if you want to sacrifice your life to take care of an alcoholic, so be it.
Yes, he's an alcoholic.





No, you're not childish, HE is defensive.





What to do with an alcoholic boyfriend? Don't make him your husband!!





Read ';I Don't Want To Talk About It'; by Terrence Real. It's really good about male depression and talks about substance abuse quite a lot too. Get him to get treatment or leave; I would not marry this guy if it were me... TOO big of a risk and you'd be going into it with open eyes too. Lots of guys out there who are smart and have nice personalities but don't drink. You don't have to deal with something like this for the rest of your life, and it will be if you marry him. Good luck.
';Does he really has alcoholic problem?';





A: Yes








';Does he really choose to drink to make me go away (escapism?)';





A: No. Rummmies will offer any excuse to lay the blame on you for their problem. Remember...half the problem is solved by admitting you're an alcoholic.





';What should I do?';





A: He obviously will not stop. He obviously won't admit he has a problem. So...leave. Don't look at me like that. It's the smart thing for you to do. If he (and he will) start bawling and saying ';I'll change'; tell him perhaps you'll reconsider when he stays sober for one year.


At this point he'll either agree (which I doubt) or he'll become angry and start lashing out at you and telling you your the reason he drinks. When he does that consider it the final nail in the coffin of your relationship. Leave now...while the gittin's are good.
I was in this exact situation with my last serious boyfriend. I met him on our first night at university and he was funny and handsome and kind. Everything I would look for in a person really. We clicked immediately and became inseparable from that point on. After uni, I moved to his home town and he changed almost over night. He began to drink more and more, to the point where he couldn't stand up by himself and he would regularly pee himself. I used to stay up til 2 in the morning waiting for him to come home because he had a tendency to fall asleep on the sofa holding a lit cigarette and I was scared he would burn the house down. When he was drunk, he was very rude and offensive towards me, and once threw me down on the floor in a rage. I put up with him because when he was sober he was the same lovely man I had met 4 years previous. The final straw came when he started acting odd around one of the barmaids at his local pub, and he started getting text messages in the middle of the night then deny it. It was obvious he was cheating on me (and his friends never denied it) but I put up with this disgusting behaviour towards me for another couple of months. Finally I left him. Four years on, I am still in contact with his friends and according to them, he has not changed at all and still has an alcohol problem. I am now engaged to the most wonderful man.





You will never have a happy life with someone who treats you with so little respect. You can't stay with someone who frightens you.
Yep, he's an alchy. Watch out. You should tell him that it's you or the drink. If you're comfortable enough with moving and and going it alone you should start to consider that now. Don't wait till you're married. Is this really the guy you want to marry anyways or are you just comfortably uncomfortable in the realationship? Consider making some changes in the near future. Don't put all your emotions into him if you think he'll let you down in the end. Seriously, it's you or the booze, you can't mix those and have a perfect relationship.
Tell him that if he doesn't get help, its over. I don't care if you love him, or that you've spent 4 years with him. If your in danger, and he's in danger- get out. and get help.





I'm sorry, but this is the sense you need.





And no, he isn't drinking to get you to leave. Get up your confidence, and get your own apartment.
YES HE IS. NOW WITH A HIDDEN CAMERA VIDEO TAPE HIM DRUNK AND HOW HE ACTS. MY DAD IS AN ALCOHOLIC TOO. I PUT THE VIDEO IN THE VCR THE NEXT DAY AND LET HIM WATCH HOW STUPID HE WAS ACTING, THE WAY HE HURT ME, THINGS LIKE THAT. EMBARRAS HIM MAKE HIM FEEL BAD ABOUT WHAT HE'S DOING. IT'S NOT FAIR. MAKE HIM FEEL HOW YOU FELT. IF HE THINKS YOUR ';OVERREACTING'; AS HE SAYS YOU ARE. WELL NOW YOU HAVE VISUALS, PROOF OF TAPES, TO PROVE WHY YOU SHOULD BE OVERREACTING... AND IF THAT DOESN'T HELP? THEN START DISTANCING YOURSELF FROM HIM SLOWLY, DON'T BREAK UP RIGHT AWAY...JUST DISTANCE YOURSELF LITTLE BY LITTLE AND HE'LL START TO REALIZE HE NEEDS YOU. IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO CHANGE? THEN HE REALLY DOESN'T LOVE YOU, CARE ABOUT YOU. THEN REALLY HE WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE WITH YOU. I DISTANCED MYSELF FROM MY DAD AND NOW I FEEL HAPPIER AND BETTER. HE HAS TO LIVE WITH NEVER GETTING HELP BECAUSE HE REFUSED TO CHANGE FOR HIS OWN GOOD.
You are NOT married to him!





Leave him. Really, why stay? Love? Trust me, you'll get over it. Please don't put yourself in danger of abuse, physically or emotionally. Is this dirtbag really worth all the time and effort you are putting into the relationship?





I agree with whoever said it first: RUN RUN RUN. Get an apartment, move in with family. You have made things more difficult by living with him. But you can get out. Do it now before it gets worse.
I can tell you right now, it will not get better unless he wants it to. There is nothing you can do to fix him


I am married to an alcoholic (13 years now). We met when we were young and we both drank socially. After I had our first child he stop drinking everyday. As the years went on, he picked it back up and has really developed a problem. He is extremely mentally abusive. I have tried, for my children, to work on the relationship and begged him to get counciling, and he refuses. He works everyday, so claims he cannot be an alcoholic because of that.


I am right now in the process of getting a job and getting him out of my home. I never wanted to raise kids in a broken home but the fighting and yelling is so much worse for them then not having Daddy home everyday.


Also, if you feel, for even a second, that he is cheating on you with the other woman, TRUST YOUR GUT! We all have a built in radar (instinct) that lets us know what is really going on. I call it God's voice, you should really listen to what he is saying to you.


Good Luck with what ever you decide to do.