Friday, November 19, 2010

How do you deal with alcoholic family members?

Ive been having a situation with my mother and alcoholic brother, I had

distanced myself from him because he is abusive, has been since he was younger I just finally said why do I have to put up with this, but

somehow my mother who is manipulated by him thinks that I have to

put up with his behavior (because hes your blood, hes your brother)

like hes my cross to bear or something, I tell my mother no, hes your

cross to bear not mine, hes your son so she says if I dont help her

that she will disown me or something, Im getting sick from stress,

sometimes I cant focus at work, do I have to distance myself from my

own mother by the way shes 78 so she is elderly but is like a mule

very stubburn, hardheaded. I know I shouldnt let it get to me so hard

but I dont have other family.How do you deal with alcoholic family members?
hey , its a hard situation

but putting up with his behaviour is not the way to go. Too him there are no consequences to his drinking. all the effects are on you and your mother. i feel you should tell your brother that you cannot cope with his drinking, and for your sake as well as his own health he should give up. if he refuses to, loosen contact with him, give him some negative consequences to deal with.



hope this helps Hun



xxxHow do you deal with alcoholic family members?
If I were you, I would definitely distance myself from my brother. We don't need to live with abuse. Keep an eye on your Mom, but tell your brother, to stay away from you. I know it is late, but I would seriously talk with my brother, when he was sober, and say, you had enough, and won't put up with his crap any longer. Tuff Love works...sometimes...



Don't let you Mom play games with you either. Don't be their scapegoat., and take pride in who you are.Sometimes we have to make our own families and they may not all be ';blood';.
Go to an Al Anon meeting, they will advise you on what to do.
You need to go to meetings to understand that alcoholism is a decease and that until your brother learns how to deal with it never will get better If someone is constantly picking him up why should he learn how to. You are right your brother is not your cross to bear if he doesn't do anything to make his life better. When he hits rock bottom and has no where to go and no one there for him, is when he will do something or die. When he asks for help, give it to him if he stays sober, when he falls off the wagon, step back and let him pick himself back up. Your mother is making him a weakling and is an enabler, not doing him any good.
I think you are better off distancing yourself from your brother entirely. Yes, he has an illness, but, (sorry), your mother is enabling him to continue being an alcoholic. If she ';cut him off'; entirely and he had nowhere to go, he might give some serious thought to turning his life around. Meanwhile, don't let him, or her for that matter, drag you down.



As far as her disowning you...so what? Could it possibly be any worse than what you are going through now?!
IF you;re of age move out on your own if not find a good friend or ssd to help you.
Your brother will only get better if you set a bottom line. I'm young, but I've researched a lot about this because I was in a similar situation. Even if it's what your mother wants, I would stay away from your brother unless he promises to cooperate with you and accept help.



Please help me



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