My husband is an alcoholic and he doesn鈥檛 even realise how he is ruining his life and mines. My husband has been fired from his job because of his alcoholism; he is constantly sick, always vomiting because of his drinking. He can鈥檛 even function anymore without starting his day with a bottle of beer. Whenever we go outside let鈥檚 say to the park or mall, he鈥檒l start being so loud and acting so foolish. He has passed out on the street cold before, leaving me to drag and try to pick my husband up who is twice my size. I really don鈥檛 know if I can handle this.
The sad part here is I鈥檓 watching him kill himself. I tried to take him to AA and then he just tells me he鈥檒l straighten up but after two days he can鈥檛 handle not drinking so he resorts to his old ways. I鈥檓 so scared leaving him alone in the house also. I tried locking up all the cabinets with alcohol in them I tried throwing them away. But whenever I do he just goes in my wallet and buys more alcohol. I started working overtime just to keep up with the mortgage and the millions of other bills. I鈥檓 so sick of this; my husband has never been like this at least not in this way. Honestly I cry every day over him; I have had neighbours actually call the police on him. People tell me they are fearful for my life and think I鈥檓 crazy for still being with him. The thing is, I really I love him; I really want him to get better.
Anyone have advice on this situation? Thank you so much.How do you deal with an alcoholic husband?
Quitting drinking is a decision. Your husband has to make that decision for himself. AA isn't magic; it doesn't make anybody sober. It might help some people stay sober AFTER they've made up their minds to quit, but even then the person has to be able to swallow the group philosophy, which is a rather tough job for many people (basically, the idea is that God keeps you sober). It's also important to note that the success rate of AA is about the same as the success rate of people who get sober on their own.
I am not insensitive to your situation: I know how difficult it is to be an addict and how difficult it is to be married to one (I've been on both ends of this dilemma). I know people say Al-Anon is supposed to help, but I went for a while and found it fairly ridiculous to sit around talking about being in a relationship with an addicted person as being a ';disease'; requiring the same ';spiritual solution'; as the addiction itself. Maybe I'm too logical, but it didn't make sense, and the Al-Anon members I met didn't seem like terribly happy or healthy people.
For myself, the solution that I have reached is this: I abstain completely from alcohol and drugs, and I don't have relationships with people who are addicted to anything or who abuse me in any way. I simply don't. I don't care who they are, I've spent enough of my life in pain, and I'm done with it. Perhaps you might consider adopting that approach in your own life. I know it works for me.How do you deal with an alcoholic husband?
Slap him .
He needs rehabilitation. It's that simple.
answer mine? http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind鈥?/a>
You have to drag him to AA. Don't let him tell you he's going to change because he is not and you have seen him go back to his old ways after he told you he is going to change. If you want him to get better, you have to push him into going.
that's so sweet that you wanna stay with him :)
take him back to AA and make sure he keeps going back instead of believing him that he'll stop on his own.
find some time when he's sober (or sober-ish) to sit him down and talk to him about what has been going on and how you feel about it.
tell him everything you told us mami ! :)
good luck!
he has to reach rock bottom and want to get help for himself. you have done all you can, now it's time for him to help himself, if he wants to...you need to separate from him, you move out or he moves out...if he wants to drink let him drink, but don't help him .....he has to help himself when he gets like that...tell him this is enough, when you move out or kick him out, he will know you are serious.. tell him when you are willing to get him , you will be there for him and help him, but only if he wants to get help. you shouldn't have to live a life like this, you deserve better..you have put up with this long enough. don't you agree
You can only help someone who wants to help themselves. Your have to convince him to get help and stay at it until he gets better or that you will up and leave..make him know that your serious.
You could go to Ala-non (AA meetings for family of alcholics). There people have gone through what youre going through and they can provide words of encouragement and wisdom to you. Unfortunately, there isnt much you can do to make him stop. He has to want to do it. You, yourself need to seek help to get through this. You may have to divorce him if he is unwilling to change and continues to destroy your marriage (him not even caring about your concerns). Honestly, all I can say is find some one who has been through this get their in-put and advice. Good luck with what ever happens.
I don't have any experience with this so this might not be the most helpful answer but I'll try. I think that by staying around you are enabling his behavior. If think the best thing to do would be for you to explain to him that you love him but that the situation has become too painful. Tell him that you don't want to be with him until he gets better. Maybe have this conversation somewhere away from home if there is any chance he would have a violent reaction. I'm guessing you don't have any kids because you don't mention them.
talk to him make sure you convince him he has a problem thats the first step if talking to him has no effect then you need to take him to therapy or some kind of help for an alcoholic if nothing works and hes still ruining his life then you might as well leave him... if he wont change for you he wont change at all
It's a difficult situation and I think you need to speak to a professional about it.
But your crying and begging isn't going to do anything. He needs to be involuntarily put into rehabilitation (i.e - a court order). It's clear he is incapable of straightening himself out. And you aren't going to be able to get him to straighten himself out.
If he beats your or gets violent, you should really assess what's best for you...
Is he Russian by any chance? I've never seen something like that in my country, but I have in Russia...
Do you have anybody you can have with you at a certain time and place to do an intervention? You can all basically confront him with all you can and give him some ultimatums and then let him choose. Check out some hospitals to take him to where he can do an inpatient program at. Do you have insurance? They can be pretty expensive but you can find some good ones if you have insurance. I don't suggest letting him withdrawal at home because of how severe it would be and you definitely need a support group for yourself.
Bottom line, the only way you have a chance is if you lay it on him and give him the heavy ultimatums and STICK TO WHAT YOU SAY NO MATTER HOW HARD IT IS!!!! It's not going to work if he's not done yet. Be prepared for that. But look into treatment facilities for him and if he can't agree to go then you will move out. Look for a place to stay or get ready to put him out since you're making the money...
As long as he can fall back on you he'll never change. He needs to get into a detox centre. Give him an ultimatum. He gets clean or he gets out.
Hun, it's honourable you still love him but this man has chosen alcohol over you a long time ago so don't be a martyr here. Your life is worth more then be spend playing nurse to a drunk.
He has to want to get sober, all you can do is stand by him if you really love him. I don't know if you pray or not but if you do, ask GOD to help, I had a bad drinking and drug problem, and a lot of prayer got me back to being a person again. GOOD LUCK
I read people on here in denial over there husbands drinking and I really feel sorry for them. You don't have that problem. He is an alcoholic. If you can't do it on your own than get help in coping with his drinking problem They call it a family disease and you can see why. Your as sick as him only without the booze. Your what's called a chief enabler. Death Institution or Jail is the final bottom for an alcoholic. Its not a fun thing to participate and watch, especially for someone you think you love. Trouble is he is love first with the drugs and then himself and then maybe you. Was your Dad a alcoholic? Is this why your with him. Doesn't matter. You need counseling and Al anon support group on how to deal with your alcoholic. There's plenty of help out there for you if you choose to ask for it. How far down does your bottom have to be before the pain of being in a relationship is more than being out of it.Being caught in an downward spiral with addiction is like being caught in a elevator going down. What floor do you choose to get out on. By taking care of yourself you will motivate him to seek help and not a moment before.
divorce him!
You really need to sit him down and tell him he either gets some serious help with his problem or you got to ';GO'; all your doing is helping him to continue what he enjoys and it doesn't get better is only gets worse so if you love him then let him know where you stand if you love yourself you will do what you know is the right thing to do.
Dear Sweet Person,
You have led your horse to water, but you cannot make him drink.
The best thing for you is to help yourself. Do not make your husband feel bad for his drinking patterns. Instead, you should find a good and supportive ALANON group in your area. Get a sponsor and work the program.
For this thing to work, you must be strong and be a good example. If your husband is to ever reach a bottom, you must let him find the bottom all on his own.
Stop fighting this thing. Put your care and trust in gods hands and remember that you have no control over another person. You are not your husbands god. You can help yourself.......what is stopping you?
Caaaaad is right. I lived with an alcoholic for 9 years and I didn't realize how f*cked up I was until I got him out of my house and out of my life.
I wasted NINE years!! Because I loved him and believed he would get better. It's bull, they will never be better. My ex, if he *were* to stop drinking, the DT's would probably kill him. and if they didn't, he would still have to struggle the rest of his life with the problem.
They have ALNON (sp?) groups for a reason. the person living with an alcoholic is messed up in the head too. You ARE crazy for still being with him.
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