What can I do to cope with this? How can you help someone that has no desire to change at all?How do you deal with an alcoholic father?
Seems like your dad isn't the only one who lives in denial. Your mom's attitude is very odd and not helpful at all. Sorry that you're on your own on that boat. Tell your mother how things truly are. The family tolerating his alcoholism is causing you stress and misery and only allows your father to sink deeper and deeper. What she's doing is not helpful. You cannot help your father and there are big changes he is never going to change. My parents are alcoholics too, for as long as I can remember they have been married to their drinks and their problems are always going to be a problem for me. There is no running away from it. But your escape is your own future, you won't be stuck with your father forever. When your father's drunk ignore him. You are older now, so you have more freedom. Get out of the house, take a walk, call someone on the phone who will be there for you. In general, have a life out of your home with friends and activities. Its not denial, its coping with something that is out of your hands. You cannot pick your parents but you can pick who your family truly is and where your home is. If that isn't with your blood relatives, you are officially on a quest to build your own home, it will be hard but it is what children of alcoholics do to break the cycle. Good luck.How do you deal with an alcoholic father?
WELL IF YOU CANT BEAT EM JOIN EM
move out it cant be that bad if you are still there
you should confront your dad about how you feel, it that don't work then move out you are 19 you don't have to take his drinking anymore, but you do need to be strong and stand up for yourself, your dad is never going to give his alcohol up he puts that first in his life, then he deals with his family last, I too had a father who was an alcoholic but I couldn't leave because I was to young but after years of abuse he fell ill and died. so I tell you again be strong and stand up for yourself hope this helps...
get him into rehabilitation or somthing. dont give him any money, hide the alcohol but dont make him realize u took it, or just break the bottles and pretend like it all of a sudden fell out of no where, untill all his money is gone because of alcohol and then he will realize that he really needs to change. i really wish i could help more. look alcohol kills us emotionally mentally and physically, so its up to him to change.
Move out. there's nothing you can do unless your dad wants to change.
First off there's no helping unless he wants it. Im about to be 18 and I also have a father who's been an alcoholic before I was born.. Before he had his night shifts my life was a living hell to the point that he disrespected my hubbys family and yelling in the street being racist. Its embarrising and I've come to the conclusion of you can't help one at all. I warn you that if he ever tries to stop drinking he will worse tempered than he is now, his body is totally dependent on alcohol.
the best thing I can tell you to do is group the family together when he's not drinking and talk. Don't argue I know they say things that really piss you off but try. There's only so much you can do, best of luck.
The best thing you can do is stop sticking up for him.
Was there a time when he didn't drink?
I kind of have an image in my mind of what you you just said and this is what I think.You should confront your dad about ALL your feelings or emotions to how you feel about his drinking, even if he doesn't listen just say what you feel. Ask him why he does drink so much and if he tells you things like you don't ';support'; him or any of that stuff, than you should either move out with your mom or just yourself whatever works best for your family and I know how difficult that would be for you, but that might be the only choice if he doesn't reduce or quit his drinking! I know it would be really hard to convince someone who has no desire at all what so ever of changing their ways, attitude, and any of that stuff. Anyways, I hope things really do work out with your dad.
I'm trying to figure out the same thing, at least your dad doesn't do drugs
First, I lived with an alcoholic stepfather, so I lived the nightmare; not just read about it.
Please listen carefully. There is nothing you can do to change or fix anyone; especially an alcoholic. There are interventions families try and do to change the alcoholic; however, this is with help from a counselor and or someone who is professional guiding you. Quite often this does not even work because if it is not what the alcoholic wants, believe me, it will not work, or if does, just for a short time. The alcoholic has to want the help, and has to do it for himself; not for anyone else.
The best thing you can do for yourself is get away from your dad because alcoholics are extremely abusive-always blaming you and shaming you which is very detrimental to your overall self-worth. Also, for me the inconsistencies of words he spoke taught me to not trust peoples words, and it also taught me to not respect my mother because she enabled him, made excuses for him, and then became a drinker just like him!
This family is so dysfunctional and damaging that you need to protect yourself, and the ONLY way is to move away from the entire family, and not try and be the hero because there are no heroes in these situations. In addition, you cannot fix your mom, your dad, and it is not your responsibility, too. You need to be a kid, which my guess you never had the right to be. Listen, your mom needs to let him go, because he is polluting the entire family and alcoholics, in my book, are deal breakers-in at least- letting him go and get help, removing the verbal assaults from the environment. It is up to him to get his own help and he needs to know how serious this all is.
If you and your mom want a peaceful and healthy life he needs to go. Call Alon on- an organization that helps you gain the support you need with alcoholics; this may save your emotional life.
I care! Let me know how you and your mom are after doing this.
Dr. Maggie
Al-Anon, they are a group of family, friends, coworkers, etc who have someone in their life who is addicted to drugs or alcohol. You will learn how to hold your father accountable for his drinking and his behavior when he is drunk and you will learn how NOT to enable him. Your comment that you stick up for him when he's drunk worries me that you are an enabler. (enabling is you making it easier for your dad to drink and excuse his bad behavior when he is drunk.)
if there isn't a group in your area then go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, they won't toss you out because you aren't the alcoholic.
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