Sunday, November 21, 2010

How to deal with alcoholic mother?

My mother's just come out of rehab, discharging herself early and excusing it by saying she had a sudden fear overcome her. I've just spent the weekend with her and she seemed totally happy, making all these plans, going for walks with me, looking healthy and just generally seemed to have a refreshed look on life.

Well now my brother has rang me saying nobody can get hold of her, she isn't answering the phone and hasn't left the house. He went over there and she had locked the door from the inside. When he looked through the window he saw her passed ot on the bed with a big bottle of Bacardi next to her, empty. I just don't understand this. For one she doesn't drink spirits, hasn't done for over 5 years and her tipple was always lager or beer. I'm starting to get scared that she has planned this and that this is ultimately her suicide. It's just the fact that she's gone from one extreme, being the major happiness and energy she emitted at the weekend, and then to drinking herself into a state of disfunction. Also the fact that she has holed herself up in the apartment is suspicious too. My brothers managed to get in there the day after, she was still drunk from the night before but had managed to get hold of more alcohol, and this time the bottle was about a quarter full. They made her a coffee, tipped away the rest of the bacardi and told her to go back to bed when she'd drank the coffee. They also took away her debit card and any cash she had to force her to sober up and explain this to us. It is impossible to get through to her when she is in such a state. I am just looking for some advice because I don;t know what to do about all of this. We have tried everything from being cold and saying she don't want to see her, to see if that would make her see her family is more important. We've also tried being completely involved in it, being in contact with her keyworker and supporting her all the way. nothing works and we have no idea where to go from here.

Sorry for the length of this. Please help.How to deal with alcoholic mother?
Wow. Well, first of all if your mom was trying suicide, you need to notify somebody. Second of all, call the rehab center and tell them the situation. They cant oush something like that off. Your mom is in danger right now. And i feel for you. My mom was a severe alcoholic and she did hard drugs. Last Thursday, my step-dad found her laying in the middle of the kitchen floor dead. Her body had shut down due to drug and alcohol overdose. I dont want the same thing to happen to your mom because it really hurts more than any hurt i have ever felt. So please-Reach out in any way you can.How to deal with alcoholic mother?
Understand the causes of alcoholism. The most common cause is depression. It doesn't happen very often that a person becomes an alcoholic without being depressed; moreover, drinking does nothing but make one even more depressed. The only difference between being depressed when sober and when drunk is that people forget about themselves and can lose control of their actions when drunk. At the very least, some actions can be blamed on losing control, so the person who drinks somehow eases a burden. It's more difficult to deal with your problems when sober; when you're drunk you can refuse responsibility for everything.

Realize that it is not your fault. Many alcoholic parents blame their children for their alcoholism. Even without having the finger pointed at you, it may feel like the fault is yours. It isn't. Your parent is the one who chooses to drink, not you. Part of the allure of alcohol is that it does allow a person to become a bit more ';Teflon-coated'; -- in other words, rather than taking blame on him or herself, alcohol lubricates the ability to level blame at others.

Let your feelings out. Get a journal and write down everything you feel. Or, if you're afraid your parent will find it, get an on-line journal and make it private. Clearing your history will help minimize the chances of getting caught. Journalling may help you put your feelings into words. Finding ways to express your feelings will help you process and deal with them, whereas bottling them up inside will simply create a pressure-cooker type situation -- and when you blow, it may be spectacular. That's not desirable. Instead, try to deal with things in smaller, daily bits.

Don't depend on your parent or trust what s/he says s/he will do unless your parent has proven that you can depend on him/her. For example, if you're going out somewhere, make sure you have a backup plan in case your parent gets drunk and can't pick you up.

Avoid arguing with a drunk parent. A heated argument with a drunk parent is one you will rarely win. In addition, your parent may not even remember the argument the next day, though s/he might remember that they were mad at you.

Do things that will take your mind off of the situation at home. Go out with your friends often and have fun. Joining a sports team, reading, and drawing are also good activities that will help you escape when you need a break. There is not much you can do to control your own situation at home, so staying when you can with reliable friends who care about you will help you feel more stable and in control of your own life.

Try talking to your parent when s/he is sober. Sit your parent down and discuss how his/her alcoholism makes you feel. You will probably not be able to convince your parent to stop drinking completely, but you can at least encourage less drinking.

Do not start drinking yourself. Children of alcoholics are 3 to 4 times more likely to become alcoholics themselves. Remember everything about your parent when drunk that you do not like, and keep that in mind if you're tempted. A drink every once in awhile (if you're legal) is okay, but if you start to develop a dependency on it, you should stop.

Get out if your parent becomes abusive. Never tolerate abuse. You need to get out before things escalate or continue the way they are if the abuse has been happening for awhile.

Do not be afraid to tell someone. A best friend, school counselor, or trusted teacher are all good choices. They won't judge you, and they'll try to help. And knowing there is someone who knows what you're going through can be very comforting if things get rough.
Everyone else has given you excellent advice, so I will only add something that I myself did and found extremely helpful and somewhat healing -- and it enabled me to take back my life from what my mother had done and still was doing - I went to meetings of the local Al Anon group.

I wish you and your family the very very best - my heart goes out to you and I'll remember you and your mom in my prayers.

Wishing everyone the best of outcomes.
Unfortunately as an alcaholic she will not be affected by your cold or friendly treatmens. She will not understand why you are acting differently because when she is drunk she thinks there is nothing wrong with her. Try to talk to her when she is sober or else it will have no effect and convince her that sobering up or at least cutting back is in her best interests. Dont underestimate how hard it is to quite drinking, one talk will not do it. Even if she quits relaps is quite possible even after several years. Try not to push her away to much or else all she will have left is alcahol. Also dealing with this kind of thing is tough, so dont be to hard on yourself. I hope you can get through this allright.
Your mother is addicted to the booze. It is all she knows how to do. The rehab should have given her the tools that she needed to succeed in life. Being that she left early is not a good sign. She didn't complete the program. It sounds to me that she is not fully ready to change her life. In order to become sober you have to want it. Maybe she has not hit rock bottom yet. I know its sad and I know that you want her to get better but only she can do that. The reason why she drank all that hard alcohol is cause she wanted to get drunk fast she wanted to escape reality she wanted to suppress her feelings about life. Most people that drink to get drunk have some sort of underlying issue going on.

I was an alcoholic for 12 years I went to 6 rehabs none seemed to wrk for me.Some ppl don't do well in a 12 step program there are other kinds of programs out there. Like Narconon. They believe that you learned how to drink so you can unlearn it. That is the program I went to and have been sober now for almost 3 years.

The key is to have a really good support system when you leave other then just family. Also you need to change people , places and things. An alcoholic can't just go back to there home and be magically fixed, they need support groups, change or address. AA meetings, a sponcer. Your mom was doomed the day she walked out.

My suggestion would be having an Intervention. A lot of rehabs offer them. I will give you some links of places that I can recommend. ( this is the one that I went too.) If you call to get info ask to speak to Barnet, or Randy Ross. It is a great program, it works. it's a huge house across the road from the gulf of mexico. Part of the program is a sauna detox, for 6 weeks. It's like a resort, personal chef only 14 beds . Pool, sauna, art classes, walks on the beach, you have freedom, they don't believe in giving you meds as a lot of other programs do. They have a 90% success rate! The people that work there have all been addicted to drugs and or alcohol. So they know how it is.

The link below will give you other centers all around the world. Narconon has over 120 centers world wide.

Wellspring is also a very nice place lacated in CT. The staff is friendly, they help ppl that have underlying issues and other then alcohol.

HIghwatch Farm is strickly AA. typical day starts at 8am and you finish at 9 pm alots of meetings all day long not a lot of freedom. Only deals with alcohol!

Good Luck hope this helps you.

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