How do I deal with an alcoholic parent?

My mom is an alcoholic. It started when i was six years old and she was a single mom. I didn't know what was going on i just noticed that my mom was falling down a lot and talking weird and being stubborn and unhappy at night. Well now im almost 14 and i know exactly whats happening,and its still going on but now its a lot worse. She gets drunk earlier and earlier each night and at social gatherings and not only is it embarrassing but its heartbreaking. Shes re-married to my step dad Pat but hes always working until midnight so im home alone with her. from 6:00pm for the rest of the night its like im the parent. She says things to me. she tells me no one cares about her and that im a spoiled little brat and she falls, she crashes at dinner, and sometimes she falls asleep while talking on the phone. One time she even told me she was thinking about suicide and i started crying right in front of her and she didn't know i was crying. I miss out on activities with my friends because i don't wanna do stuff at night because i worry somethings gonna happen to her. I looked into going to alateen and some other support groups but they don't have any in my area, and no one can drive me 45 minutes away every few days. none of my friends have gone through this and i don't have anyone to talk to. i pray and pray for it to stop but i know that if anyone's going to fix it it has to be me. Its hard to talk to my mom because i don't want to make her unhappy because im afraid that while she is drunk she will try to hurt herself. im going crazy and i need help. when i tell my mom that that's enough alcohol for the night she changes the subject. every christmas, every birthday, every party, halloween, and easter shes drunk at about 7:00. my friends look at me and they think its a one time thing but they dont understand that it happens every night. One time when me and my friend were walking through a grocery store we passed through the alcohol isle and she said ';Hey Kate! Its your moms favorite isle!'; I wanted to cry because she didnt get it. Im scared about going to my pastor for it. I just want to know why my mom is so upset. And if anyone has any advice for me on getting through this, or anything to say please let me know. Thank you if you took the time to read this.How do I deal with an alcoholic parent?
I felt so terrible reading your post. You have things hard. My sympathies go out to you.



Before I tell you how to get help for yourself, I want to clear up some very dangerous misconceptions you have.



You are not your mother's mother. You're not even an adult. It's not your job to care for her; in fact, it won't be your job until you are fully grown and she is too old and/or frail to take care of herself...and maybe not even then.



Like most children of alcoholics, you have been parentified--that is, forced to assume adult responsibilities as a child because your parent acts like a spoiled child. That's exactly why you ';know that if anyone's going to fix it it has to be'; you and why you feel that you can ';make her unhappy.';



Um, no. It is your mother's responsibility to admit to the fact that she is addicted and to seek help for her problem. You can help her with this buy confronting her about the effects that her drinking has on you. You can even enlist Pat and your pastor in staging an intervention for her. But at the end of the day, you cannot assume any responsibility for curing your mother of this problem. Your mom has to do this on her own.



That said, you'll have to start looking out for your own needs. Don't give up any more social activities to babysit your mother because, as I've said before, you're not your mother's mother. Children of Alcoholics can end up very isolated and lonely so you'll need all the friends you can get.



Check out some online support groups (a few are listed below) and read all the self-help books you can get your hands on. (They aren't very expensive and are free of charge at the local library.)



Whatever you do, don't take any more responsibility for this situation and keep your head up. You won't be under your mother's control forever.



PS. That girl who made that nasty crack about your mom in the grocery store is not your friend. Friends don't humiliate you in public like that. You might want to drop her.How do I deal with an alcoholic parent?
STOP CALLING PEOPLE ALCOHOLICS AND STOP SELLING ALCOHOL JESUS CHRIST NO PEOPLE GREAT IDEA JESUS..
you should advice her and please pray...I'm begging for you to pray
Try confronting her? tell her stop drinking, usally is that doesn't work go see ur school counselor. It may seem like a bad idea at first or embarrassing but she or he has the power to fix this up. (your proabably thinking hell no, but if the issue is as bad as u say it is, DO IT!)
Do you know what? After reading your question, I felt like my heart was breaking. I really felt for you, and wished I could help, but I am so far away!



I was thinking to myself - if Kate showed her mother this piece of writing - imagine - how could her mother not be touched by what her daughter has written!



Obviously this is going to be something difficult to talk to her about in person - she would most likely deny that she has a problem..



But how could anyone deny it after reading something so heartfelt and spontaneous....



So, my answer is - I would be writing a letter to her now about how you are feeling - and then giving it to her in the morning, or outside of the home, so that she is not drunk when you give it to her.



Just pour your heart out, and let her know how you feel.



You mother is in a sad and lonely place right now, and she will continue to spiral down until she feels she has hit rock bottom.



Perhaps you could show her that you dont want her to get any lower by writing to her.



You are not the one who has to look after her... SHE has to look after herself.



Thinking of you Kate! Good luck.



From another Kate in Australia
There is really nothing you can do.



Let them yell, let them cuss, and just lock you door and turn up the music. I'm so sorry that you have no one to talk to, sorry that your mom is too much of an idiot to get her life together for the sake of her family. As a kid it seems like you can't do anything, can't call CPS cuz you love her, can't run away cuz ur afraid. And talking to her? What a joke. Best scenerio she yells at you and screams for you to go to your room. It's just...useless.



If it helps in any way, I'm going through the same **** and have my whole life, except both my parents are pretty bad. In fact, I came on here just to read about other people's problems because my mom is a complete pyscho ***** right now. So, if you ever wanna talk, feel free to email me. If you can't drive for support, at least talk to some people online. Contact me at lanarosalte@yahoo.com ANYTIME. Having someone to confide in always helps, and, to be honest, I'd like someone to confide in, too.



I'm sorry about this. I hope that maybe your family has the potential to change, but the only thing I can offer is maybe some understanding and some support. :/ God bless.

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