My mother had a DUI last year, had to serve 48 hours in jail and had to pay a lot of fines. Recently she got another DUI and totalled her car. Luckily nobody else was hurt not even her. She now decided to get help and go to do inpatient for 3 months. My brother who is 17 is still at home and her bf is going to stay there with him while she is gone. I am having a hard time with this because I have never been away from my mother and or her being away from me. Granted I am married and am happy but I am depressed and can not understand how she could have done this. My main concern now is that she goes to court in a week and I am very scared that she may have to do jail time and it makes me worry about her, me being depressed and my brother. We dont have a father and all we have is eachother. Why do I feel so upset all the time and will she have to go to jail even after she does 90 days in rehab? I am so scared for her. What can I do and how can I cope with this issue?How to deal with an alcoholic mother and my concerned brother?
Wow, so much of this is attached to a big IF. The judge has a lot of discretion but in a lot of states he also has to give mandatory jail time for a second DUI. If your mother is enrolled in an inpatient substance abuse treatment facility, court date is usually postponed until that treatment is complete and then jail may not be required. I would say that you need to be close to your brother through this time as - although he is 17 and acts all macho (most likely) he will need you just as much as you need him. For all four of you, the fact that your mother is being forced to face her deamons is probably a good thing and if you focus on having her back complete, then you should be able to get through anything. After so many days, she can have visitors and if she is being treated too far away, she can call and receive calls. When anxiety and depression hooks onto a situation like you face, there is not much anyone can say or do that will lessen the impact for you. Go get medical treatment and take an anti-depressant during this period, or increase your dosage (with your Doctor's OK) if you are already on treatment. With your brother and your ability to contact all us people on answers, you can do this and it will be OK. If someone writes you bad things just erase them or click on them as bad. We should all be here to help each other. I sure do hope this works out for you and that with your brother, you both help your mother get better.How to deal with an alcoholic mother and my concerned brother?
Been there, done that. Life goes on. Honestly, you will get through this. Just keep reminding yourself that this is for your mother's health and best interest. Support her. And spend time with your brother while she is gone. You guys need each other right now.
My mother is a recovering alcoholic..I know what its like to live with a drunk of a mother. You love her, but you hate her lifestyle. She has to hit ROCK BOTTOM before she can work her way back up. My mother lost everything..husband, house, children, jobs, liscense, aand spent time in jail before she realized she needed to get help because she had a problem. My mother and I have a great relationship today. And I believe that all the things we went through, made me a stronger person today. There is hope, dont give up on her.
Im 25 and my mom recently fell off the wagon after 15 years of sobriety. Its tearing me apart inside. First let me tell you this... Im sorry. Im so sorry. I KNOW first hand how you are feeling. The first bond you make in life is with your mother and when that bond is broken it hurts very badly. Ive spent a lot of nights crying, a lot of nights awake and worried, a lot of nights angry and furious at her and a lot of nights hurt wondering why she didnt love us enough to stop. But eventually, after a lot of talking to my dad and sister, I came to realize I cant change her nor can I control what she's done and doing. All I can do is love her the best I can and pray that she'll stop. Once I gave that control over to God I have felt a little better. There is just nothing I can do for her. I can't make her quit. In fact I can't make her do anything no matter how much it hurts me or our family. You have to be strong in yourself and remember you have yourself and your family to love and protect... have you ever considered Alanon? Its for the loved ones of alcoholics. I know how painful this is. I have been living it for a long time. I tried being patient, I tried tough love... Ive tried pleading and begging... you just have to let go and let God... You just cant control it or lessen her consequences. Just love her. I pray this helps you
Lily B. above me has the right answer as well.
I grew up with both an alcoholic mother and father. I was also the baby of the family and my brother and sister were both out of the house by the time I was 14. This meant a lot of lonely struggles of me trying to ';parent'; the alcoholic parent. Please, allow your brother a safe place to stay in your home. I know it may seem a burden and he may have your mothers boyfriend back at their place, but you are his FAMILY and a non-alcoholic member at that. Really, coming from experience your brother needs a sober loving friend or family member to take him under their wing for the time being. Thats THE best remedy for now.
As for your mother, I am now 23 and have accepted that my parents will not change. I still love them to bits but I do not worry about their foolish choices as much. I've been through everything from suicide attempts, to DUI'S, to foreclosures with them and back again. Believe me, my best advice is to pray for your mother to find strength and for you to pick your battles with her. Do not let worry overtake you, it will only hurt you both in the end: you'll be fueling her fire and you'll be losing yourself in the process. Best of luck.
P.s. You and your brother should both attend an al-anon meeting in your area. YOu can be each others support team! You know that feeling of ';no one else understands?'; Well these people really do! They've all had an alcoholic whose touched their lives and really lend an honest and caring ear.
You may want to consider getting some counseling. Your mother made the best decision by getting help. She is very lucky she did not kill anyone and make thing worse. But she will have to pay the price for what she has done. Maybe it won't be as bad as you think because she went to rehab before her court date. Unfortunately you may never know exactly why your mother was and is the way she is, but maybe counseling will help understand an alcoholic. Your brother needs you right now and so does your family so get some help now before you fall so far in depression you can't even help yourself. Good luck
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