my wife has been drinking while keeping our children and the social service were called, they put her into a 6 month treatment center and i am taking care of our two children 5 and 7. she has yet excepted responsibility for the pain and embaressment she has brought upon us, and i am not sure staying with her is the best thing for the children and iHow to deal with an alcoholic spouse?
First of all, alcoholism is a disease and it didn't just take over night for her to become an alcoholic, so don't expect results immediately. She may resent being in there and determined to not try. Is she out of rehab yet? If so, does she attend AA meetings? If she doesn't attend AA meetings, she's not ready to quit drinking. If she's not out of rehab yet, give her this time to figure her life out. She was forced to rehab, therefore, it may take a little longer because she obviously wasn't ready to quit. Some take longer than others. I've been through the pain of being married to an alcoholic. You need Al-Anon my friend. You need help too. You need help and guidance on how to overcome your pain and embarrassment she caused you, and how to live a normal life even if she doesn't stop drinking. You have to live for you and mostly your children. Talking to her won't do any good, you can't talk to an alcoholic, they will lie. I eventually divorced my husband because of his drinking, I had to protect myself....financially, emotionally. I had to show tough love. I had to learn to think of myself for once, which wasn't easy! During our time apart, he hit rock bottom and nearly died.....twice. He's been sober now for a year....which is a great accomplishment for an alcoholic. We are currently working on a reconciliation, and living one day at a time. I still have my guard up though, but I am much stronger now than I was 4 years ago. You may not be able to stay with your wife, but do what you need to do for you and your children. I hope and pray the very best to you, and I hope your wife comes around. You're a strong man and a good father. I've attached a little bit of info, I hope it helps you. Take care friend....How to deal with an alcoholic spouse?
There are support groups for family members that find themselves in similar situations. Look in the phone book.
You really should go to Al-anon meetings it will really help you. Or at least check out the message boards and website. Its a group of people who help people deal with alcoholics in their family. Tips on dealing with the pain and not being an enabler, ect. Check it out:
http://www.al-anon.org/
Goodluck!
if she does not ready to help herself .. she is not ready to help her family .. family comes before any addiction.. any material thing.. it is to be put before wants...ask her why she feels that need i think you should probably take care of your children as u are doing... ask her is she willing to change not for you but to benefit your kids... if not.. she is not ready for the responsibilities she is to care for.. you or your children..(itll take time.. but i think eventually she ll do the right thing.. a mothers love is one that goes far..
Alcoholism is a disease. You wouldn't take off and leave her if she had Cancer would you?? If she loves her family and you love her then get her some help and be suppotive through her recovery.
In the rehabilitation center throughout their excises in giving up the alcohol they have to invite their family I think that you should be there for her seeing that you love her and it would give you and the kids an unforgettable experience but a good one. This would come into the picture as a part of family therapy which I think that you guys should try. Its either marriage concealing or family therapy which I would recommend because the child did have a part to play and had some experiences with her being a drunk. This could affect the rest of their lives if you don't get professional help for them. They could think that they were to blame and that they were bad kids. Get professional help not only for you but for your family.
Good luck!
Send her to rehab, and go on with your life. Take care of the kids alone. Kids are better with one healthy stable parent, rather than a alcoholic, non-responsible parent who can soon cause your kids to go to foster homes. They dont need to deal with that.
Get out of this destructive relationship. Then get some counseling for you and your children.
Lets clear the political correctness. Bluntly...
...Alcoholism is a habit that becomes an addiction. It is a choice made by the user, the consequence of being slave to the bottle.
Your wife has a choice to make. Bottle or her children. Notice that you are not in this equation. Do not make that part of the solution. She obviously had a problem with alcohol before the children or even you came along.
When she is able,and if, to allow the pain she is causing to her children to affect her inner heart,( BE cautious for many never make the connection), she will come around.
In the meantime, be the example to your children. Gird yourself with love for them. The children especially need to see you as a well adjusted parent. This will be the memories looked upon as they age to parenthood. YOU are all they've got. Be firm yet always speak well of the mom. The impressions made now will last the lifetime ahead of them.This is your time to shine. Make this your best and you will see the results in your children.
Good Luck.
have her go to rehab and both of you to consuling. the last thing your children need is a divorce. even at a young age, children are affected by it and feel like their caught in the middle. i myself came from a divorced family with an alcholic father and to this day i feel like their is a missing part of my life.
Lets clear the political correctness. Bluntly...
...Alcoholism is a habit that becomes an addiction. It is a choice made by the user, the consequence of being slave to the bottle.
Your wife has a choice to make. Bottle or her children. Notice that you are not in this equation. Do not make that part of the solution. She obviously had a problem with alcohol before the children or even you came along.
When she is able,and if, to allow the pain she is causing to her children to affect her inner heart,( BE cautious for many never make the connection), she will come around.
In the meantime, be the example to your children. Gird yourself with love for them. The children especially need to see you as a well adjusted parent. This will be the memories looked upon as they age to parenthood. YOU are all they've got. Be firm yet always speak well of the mom. The impressions made now will last the lifetime ahead of them.This is your time to shine. Make this your best and you will see the results in your children.
Good Luck.
no it's not good example for your children they could be taken away and put in a home my husband was a alcoholic but i didn't have children by him were seprated a alcoholic will not stop and they hide it it would be best if you divorced her and get your kids before they wind up in a childrens home
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