Sunday, November 21, 2010

How to deal with an alcoholic parent?

My mom is an alcoholic and I don't know what to do with her.

One day she is totally fine and the next she turns into a totally different person, like pure evil and horrible. I have no idea what to do as she refuses to accept her alcohol dependency and stops speaking to me when I comment or offer advice on going to clinics etc.

I have come to the point where I no longer want to talk to her or see her.

What can I do?How to deal with an alcoholic parent?
Josh this is a subject that I am well versed in.

Of course her personality changes when she drinks, that happens all of the time. The reason she grows silent when you try to speak to her about her drinking is because she's ashamed, and can't overcome her shame enough to find the words she can use to properly discuss this with you.

You not wanting to talk with her or see her while she remains untreated is a totally understandable position for you to take, and it would be a fair consequence for your mom to have to suffer for her choice to continue her drinking without seeking help.

What can you do?

Well as long as your mom won't seek treatment for herself, you can seek treatment for YOU.

I know from personal experience that you are being profoundly affected by her drinking, and you are being affected in ways you have yet to discover.

There is a book that I read that helped me immensly, and I think you could benefit by reading it too.

See below.How to deal with an alcoholic parent?
if your mom doesn't want to admit to her problem then theres nothing you can really do about it, its her choice. my advice is to stay away from her if possible when drunk, eventually soon hopefully shell come to the realization of what her decision has done and if not then you have to decide if you want to deal with it or just let her make that choice and live your life away from it. i strongly recommend not drinking or drinking in moderation because you are more likely to be alcoholic.
I too have dealt with an alcoholic parent. The situation was only worsened by me trying to intervene due to his extreme selfishness. My way of dealing with it now is merely being in his presence as often as possible when I feel as though he is going to start drinking. This is a great time to drink something healthy in front of your parent, and make subtle comments regarding health issues with other, famous, people in the world due to alcoholism. Get the idea of alcohol being bad into your mother's mind. It is a huge reconditioning act to pull off, but at least if nothing good comes out of it, you still feel better having tried your best. You can only do so much, do not stress yourself.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. You can't change your parent. She has to want to change her bad habit. There is nothing you can do. I don't know how old you are, but I know of a young person in the same situation.

I don't know the specifics of your living situation, but I'd say on the days she's fine enjoy that time with her. That's your real mom. I'd also let her know how her alcoholism hurts you. Maybe that will move her to not be so close minded on getting help or advice.

When she's the other mom, go in your room, or go somewhere that makes you happy. Make sure it's something that makes you happy and feel at peace, if you like walks on the beach, if you like the library, if you like drawing, or if there is a good friend you feel good being around. Go there. Also, are there any compassionate mature people you can just talk to?

The point is to find your own peace. She's not ready for hers yet.
my dad is a mean drunk when hes been drinking. ive had my fair share of bruises and arguments... ask anyone at school. theyve seen all the bruises on my faces and once there was one from when he grabbed my upper arm--by the tricepts---and there were four perfect bruise lines from where his fingers gripped my arm. once he threw me agains the corner of our refrigerator and started slapping me across the face. thats how i got bruises all over the tops of my eyes and cheekbones. i looked so bad the next day at school bc i tried to cover them all up but id been crying all night the night before and my whole face was swollen. from where i hit the corner of the fridge, i had a bruise in the shape of a line going all the way down my back. yeah i still live with him. i dont say anything bc its only when hes been drinking and he hasnt in a while. idk what you could do ab your mom but just be glad that shes not like my dad. good luck with everything.

btw i know how u feel and it sucks. i would suggest not being around her and do something productive to get your mind off it. and ';who cares?'; is just jealous that he doesnt have a smokin hot body. lol
I keep telling people that you pick your friends not your family. The question is: would you let a friend treat you the way your mother does? You are an adult and no longer dependent on her so if you had a friend who is an alcoholic what would you to for him? It is time for you to start rethinking your relationship with your mother.
Okay one, I think your picture is hot. =]

And as for your mom, How old are you? Because if you're 16+ I'd say just get the f*ck out of there for a while. If she really cares about you then she'll realize she's done something wrong and then she'll fix it. I had to do that with my mom. I stayed with a friend for 2 weeks and she hasn't had a drink since.
My mom turns into a monster too. I haven't lived at home in several years, but knowing how she treats my dad when she's having one of her drunken rages makes me resent her, and dislike her, more every time. I haven't been calling or going over as much. I have one sister, and she too has started backing away from the situation. What really sucks is that nothing we can do or say will stop our moms from being drunks who allow themselves to be consumed by anger because that's how they feel on the inside. I know my mom (and probably yours) have been drinking %26amp; abusive for so long, it's this big cycle that keeps going round and round. They drink %26amp; turn into someone else, they wake up and feel ashamed, the day wears on and they're still ashamed so the only thing they do is get wasted to try and kill the pain. I'm so sorry because this is one of the hardest things to try and do... plus, with me, distancing myself from my mom is scary because I love her, but I can not (and will not) live with that anymore because I don't live there, and I don't have to anymore. You can only do one thing you can do: Tell her how you feel, and take whatever comment she makes with a grain of salt. Good luck.
i know what its like to have a lot family member that drink their self away they do because that don't what to faces the truth in life and if they quit their afraid that they will lose there friends that drink. they don't want to deal with all the health problems that come after giving up there drinking lifestyle. it can hurt a lot. one day she leaves to go somewhere that your over there go in find all her alcohol and put it in the trash.
My mum went through a phase like this berfore and it really upset me to. I said i didnt like it or anything but no attention was paid. My Dad very often ignored the problem which didnt help at all. However at one point i just said it had far enough and it was'nt good. Anyway she is better now after i said the example she was putting out was not good. When one of our neighbours came round one day it was so embarrasing and i just had enough after that. I am really sorry about your famliy problems they really are never easy and sometimes it very difficult to cope with them. Good Luck xxsamxx
You've already had some great advice, so there is little I can add.

I've not had an alcoholic parent, but I had a partner who drank himself to sleep every day.

It's probably time for some tough love. And it may be time for a showdown. Make her see what affect she is having on a) herself and b) the rest of the family. Talk to your brothers about the subject and get them to understand your concerns. Try to get them on side and then you'll have some support.

Have you tried getting to the core of WHY she drinks? Depression? Anger? Loss? Boredom? Tackle the route problem and maybe it will help with the drinking?

She might not want help from a charity such as AA, but it sounds like you do. Have a look for a support group for families who may be able to give you some tried and test coping mechanisms.

Good luck
Stop taking gay photos of yourself and posting them as your avatar might be a start.

Phone AA

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