Friday, November 19, 2010

How do i deal with an alcoholic husband?

I have been married for 5 yrs. My husband has had a drinking problem since we meet; however, i keep thinking that he will change. He is a great person until he starts drinking. He works side jobs to bring income into the home, but it is me who is the breadwinner. We also have a 3 yrd old daughter who he turns against when when he is drunk. I have asked him time and again not to do that. For the past few weeks, he has been hanging out with one of his old friends, and wants to know why I keep asking him to come home. I He says that it is my fault because I am ';bitc-y';. All I want is for him to be a full time father and husband, not just part time. He has went to AA meetings and was a regular for about 1 yr, and then he just stopped going. His father was an alcoholic and a drug user. He does not do drugs, but it thinks that I am the one who has a problem with him drinking, not him. Any suggestions on how I can get through to him?How do i deal with an alcoholic husband?
Do you have any family and friends that you can get together for a little intervention? To talk to him. To support him. To beg him to get help before it's too late and he loses the most important people in his life.



I also have to say that I have a 3 year old. They are so impressionable and sensitive. This is not healthy or safe for your baby. So, maybe you need to find a family/friend that you can stay with. Or ask him to leave...until he can get himself under control.



And this may be far fetched, but if you are in the area...why don't you contact Dr, Phil. I know that sounds silly, but who knows? Maybe it could happen! And maybe you could get the help you need with your husband.



One last idea. The next time he drink and is unkind to your child, can you secretly video tape him. Play it back for him when he is sober so he can see what he is doing to his baby.



Good luck and hugs!How do i deal with an alcoholic husband?
you don't, you leave him...
if i was you, i'd leave him.
Unless he wants to change he won't change. Your only real option is to leave him. Either he will change and straighten up and you might have a chance to get back together, or, you will be free of his anger and drinking. I know it is hard, but only he can change the situation. You can do nothing about it. Good luck.
Find the strenth to get out of that relationship at least for you daughters sake. She is to young to really understand what is happening... get out before she hates him and ultimatly you!
Sweetheart listen good, I've been in your shoes, leave NOW. If something happens to your daughter you will also be held responsible for neglect. Pick your *** up and go stay with your mother/father or someone you can trust. Get your child out of that house until your husband cleans up. I sold my house and packed my two kids up and we are fine. I own my own house and my kids are in gifted and talented classes, we all bounce back but can only do that if your alive. Get out while you can it will only get worse.
He's not worth all the stress. Get out, now.
hae wassssssuuuuuupppppp, um yeah i thin you should leave him bekuz hes just to much ay, its like this, when you first meet that guy, hes algud, but when you and him gets married, he show his tru colours....................... but yeah i dont know but yeah just follow your heart..............
Leave him. Seriously take your kid and leave him you'll both will just end up getting really hurt. Go somewhere you know he can't get to you and if he does call the cops on his ***.
People relapse quit often, so see if you can get him to go to AA again.

You may also need some counseling along with your daughter.

If he continues this way and does not change, you need to get out of this relationship. Alcoholism is an addiction and he is an addict who needs Professional help. You don't want to live your life only concerned with whether your husband is sober or not.
Until he, himself, recognizes and admits he has a problem, I doubt there's anything YOU can do about it except to leave him. Have you ever suggested AA ?
';my husband has had a drinking problem since we met';



Hmmmm, but you married him and had a kid by him? Makes sense. What you should do, since you have no concept of good decision making is have more kids by him. More babies will ';shake'; him out of his drunken stupors, because the ';love'; of more kids will boost his will to sober up, like your ';love'; did in the first place. Right?



Ok now that you see how ridiculous you've been, GET OUT NOW. His ';nice'; moods will diminish and soon you'll be dealing with him 10 years from now, and a 13 y/o girl who won't have a clue of what a good man is, and she'll marry someone just like him.



Is this kind of husband the guy you'd pick for your daughter, your sister, or your best girlfriend? Ok then why do you put up with it? oh yeah...you LUUUUUUUVE HEEEYUMMM
ok hun that puts you in a tuff spot because you have to think of whats best for you and your daughter and if hes turning on her while hes drunk and hes already done the AA thing and didn't stick with it maybe it'll take him losing you and his daughter to realize he has to change, believe me he wont change unless he wants to and he is ready, it'll definitely be tuff but once its all over it'll be for the best but once hes sober again and you know for sure that hes done drinking then you can get back together or not its your call but don't stay together just because the two of you have a baby together that will make it harder in the long run believe me.. well..... sorry about your situation feel free to email me and ask questions..... good luck
If he is not serious about his drinking, there is nothing you can do. He must make the effort to change. You only play a supporting role. It's been five years, how much more are you willing to accept. Tell him to get help or your leaving. He will only drag you and your daughter down with him.
You should have prayed for him instead of marry him.



So many women think they can change a man after they get married and so many times it fails.



He loves the booze more than you sugar and it's too bad it turned out like this.
do not ***** at him or about him.talk with him about the difference in drinking and getting drunk and about how his personality changes when he overdoes it.let him know that you cannot tolerate him being abusive to you or your daughter.he needs to do better.
I wouldn't deal with him. he would be kicked out of the house.
This is hard get help and protect your self and the child.You possible need to separate from him and this could be an wake up call.Than he has to stay in treatment in order for this to work out if it will.He always will be an recovering alcoholic at best.If not you possible will be dealing with abuse and no money.Further you will have an husband who will get very sick as his liver goes to pieces and you have an long hard road ahead off you.Be strong and may someone or several be able to help you and your child.
this is a though one.. if it was me i would get out especially if you have a young child involved.. take this scenario .. what if one night you're working or are out at the grocery store and he is alone home with the child and starts drinking, gets drunk, gets angry, and hurts your daughter? i'm sure you wouldn't want tht to happen!



but if you do love him and really want it to work.. try talking to him when he is sober, calm and relaxed.. tell him how you feel without coming off sounding ';bitc-y';.. if he refuses to listen i guess you'll have to live with that or you can tell him your leaving.. and see if that helps?



good luck
I was married for ten years to a person that drank quite a bit. He stayed away from the house until he was sobber, most of the time.

He spent a load of money on his drinking.

He got a DUI

We paid about $10,000.00 by the time everything was said and done from his stupidity of driving while drunk

He attended AA meetings for 2 years

Then he went back to drinking and began putting his friends ahead of his family

I got fed up with this crap and kicked his rear end out of the house

Filed divorce and am happily single with no drinking idiots in my life

My kids are safer by not having the risk of him drinking and driving with the kids



POINT TO THIS IS! Your husband will not change unless he really wants to change and considering that he has attended AA meetings for only one year, he currently has no desire to change and needs a serious jolt in his life. Therefore, tell him what your thoughts are on his activities. If he acts like he does not care, then begin the divorce process..... There are times, this type of jolt will wake the drinking idiot up... and there are times it will not.
well you need to tell him if he wants to keep this marraige together he gets help,or you are leaving him! stand tough its only going to help him!
Talk to him while he is sober and tell him he needs to get some help. Tell him what he did and said while he was drunk. I am more concerned for your daughter and the way he treats her when he is drunk, he doesn't need to be around her like that.
I know exactly how you feel, but don't know what to do about it. I have been with my husband for 3 yrs now, but only married for 1 yr. My husband is in construction and only works a few months out of the year. Every time he finishes a job, he gets paid, and even though we have bills that need to be paid, he stops on his way home to drink/gamble. I too was the one paying the bills but recently the store I worked at, went out of business, now we live off my unemployment, which isn't paying much. I have 2 kids from a previous marriage, and he has one child, that he refuses to pay child support for. I know I'm not offering any answers but maybe we can lean on each other. I'm here if you need someone to listen.
my mom married an alcoholic for 9 years and had 3 kids. she left him and was on her own and going to school. she after that got with a guy that was very abusive to her and my brothers and sister and my brother went into the hospital. my mom is now married to my dad. they have been togethr for 23 years and he is an alcoholic and use to be rough with all of us untill i left and almost called the cops and he changed like that with the roughness. he is a good man but has problems. he is still an alcoholic. my mom always told me that men DONT change , they can IMPROVE OVER TIME. im divorcing my husband soon cause he thinks its ok to put his hands on me and now is becoming an alcoholic.

you cant get through to them at all cause they are sooo hard headed and plan dont change. he will never change, he will improve later on but you dont deserve to wait for him while he is trying to fix himself and you putting yourself through h*ll. i always say try to work on things but if he doesnt then you know what you need to do. and i cant believe he turnes against your sweet little girl. i have a 14 month old and my husband is at least nice to her. he is not being a husband at all. i know all about it. my husband never acted like this tell the beg. of jan. im so deppressed around him. please get out and be happy. that is all that god wants is for you to be happy. i bet you will keep trying and trying and he wont change. if he hasnt changed now for him, you or his little girl what makes you think he is going to do it now or a year from now. he is rebealing cause he wants to do what he wants to do, just like my husband. there are better guys out there we hear of them all the time and we can find them. if you could find a better guy before him, you can find better after him. im sure the guys before didnt work out but im sure most of them wernt alcoholics either. you can find better and you will. im sorry but this one isnt going to change anytime soon. thats why they even came up with the saying men dont change.
I have alcoholic parents and a younger sister thathave messed up mentally pretty bad in the process. All three of them are unpredictable and a danger to themselves and other as per example my sister broke a cordless phone across my brothers face today. I have tried for years to step in and say something, and ending up in an abusive relationship myself with a drug user and alcoholic (stayed with him too for 2 years so I didn't have to go back home ) but unless someone wants help they aren't going to change now I have to worry about how I explain to my daughter about her grandparents, This is a dangerous situation for yuor child and enabling an addict can only cause more harm to her then if you were to stay. Who knows maybe he will realize he has a problem if you leave and check himself into a program. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully your husband will want to get the help he very much needs.

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