Tuesday, November 16, 2010

How do you deal with an alcoholic you love?

He is an alcoholic. When he's not drinking he's fantastic. It's not just a few beers, it's all night in a bar. Plus when he drinks he's a big flirt and ends up treating me like crap. I just leave and go elsewhere. Except the other night he left me in a club to go meet another girl in another club! I walked in on them together at this bar. He looked like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He swears nothing happened (he didn't come home that night). I do love him, he's said he's finished drinking. This is the worst it's been. How do I deal with this or do I not deal with it and get on with my life?How do you deal with an alcoholic you love?
Like many women, you believe if you just love him enough and show him how you love him, he will change.



He won't. And he won't stop drinking until HE is ready to do. You can convince him to stop, and all the empty promises he makes to stop will just hurt you more when you catch him cheating and/or drinking again.



There are plenty of men out there who will love and respect you and not treat you like crap. The best thing you can do to help both him and yourself is to leave now and don't look back.



Love is supposed to be happy and full of mutual respect. You're miserable. Don't let you self worth be devalued anymore. Leave this man at once.How do you deal with an alcoholic you love?
are you a doormat?,if not,why are you allowing him to step all over you,get some self respect and leave him
You leave him, unless you like living unhappily.
forget about the drinking, he sounds like a cheater to me!
You should go see a professional. Your life will be so much better if you do. Your boyfriend has a alcohol dependency and if you still want him to live, getting help is the best way.
request professional help - set a timeline (in writing) - set any other MAJOR issues down (in writing) - if he doesn't comply - leave immediately - it will be hard, but better in the long run
Tough love. Give it up, or get out. I did.
I waited for my husband to finally hit the ground....but for real....The ground is what he hit....After that he hasn't touch a drink...it has been 7 months now...But watch out!!!!!!when they stop something something else has to take its place...Make sure it isn't something worse...Good luck...Dont force him let him do it...they have to hit rock bottom before they notice anything...
You can't help him until he truly wants help. You can help yourself by informing yourself on the disease of alcholism, and by going to meetings for family and friends of alcoholics. You could also go to a clinic for counselling (many partners and children of alcoholics do this) which will help you understand more, and know that you're not alone in this situation.
Mine is an alcoholic too. I understand. I always try to make plans for somewhere to go without a bar. Dinner and a movie or something like that. He has never left me to go see another girl, and if he did I would leave. You shouldn't have to deal with other girls in the picture. Leave for a while, and see if he changes any. If he loves you as much, he will try to stop or cut back.
He's got to address his problem before anything will change, and you cannot do it for him or make him do it. Tell him you're at the end of your rope, and he's got to stop drinking and get in AA or some other program, and get himself together or you are going to move on without him.



You don't need the stress and anxiety of this, no matter how wonderful he is when he's not drinking, that doesn't make up for his behavior when he does. You may also want to check into Al-Anon for yourself (a support group for family members of alcoholics).



Good luck!
seriuosly, u shouldn't have 2 deal w/ this crap, girl u can do better %26amp; u never know if u move on he might realize how wrong he waz %26amp; change!
My ex was the same way, and eventually he became increadibly violent as well...only when he was drinking. otherwise he was fantastic. I tried supporting him, going to AA meetings with him everything, with no positive result. He always just promised he would quit tomorrow. After 2 years of regular physical violence, I ran away and never looked back. I hope for your sake it doesn't turn in to that. Be cautious.
You are a pathetic doormat.

Either he changes and sticks with it or you leave.

F**k the fact you love him, you're in a BAD situation. Get the hell out.
First of all stop taking him to clubs. Unfortunately you cannot help someone who a) does not want to be helped or b) does not admit they have a problem. If he wants to change you can support him by encouraging him to go to AA or other support groups. Alcoholism is not something that can be quit cold turkey with any amount of ease.



If he refuses you need to move on. It won't take much for him to snap in the holds of liquor and smack you silly or worse.
If you really love this person, encourage him to get some help. However, if I were you, as much as it hurts, I'd probably leave. There is no reason for anyone to treat a person like this. I have an uncle who is an alcoholic and he lives for that second that he can open that beer. It's not pretty and if you choose to stay in this relationship, you are looking at a hard struggle ahead of you. Decide what is best for you and maybe after he decides what it is that he really wants, maybe you two can work things out.
if you really love him let him go cause you will never change him , hes the only one who can help himself. the longer your with him, the worst it Will get , leave him if he starts hitting you. no love is worth that. you probably should get on with your life

good luck!!!
Drunks are not worth it. Move on. I'm sure you're a beautiful young woman, who will meet someone else that's not a friggin' drunk. My brother-in-law is just like that. He treats the mother of his child like a whore. Move on. He's a bum.
the gals are gonna say dump him, but if you love him, perhaps you can deal with it. Love always perseveres except for wimps that run away from problems.



All you do is keep bringing home alcohol, and he will direct that flirty attention to you! Bring home enough for the night that he won't run out and need to go finish off at a bar. You keep serving him drinks, he will stay planted at home, talking to you. And it even works as a truth serum... after a few he will likely start telling you how he really feels, and you will probably find that he loves you a lot more than he lets on... Try it!
if he truly loves you and you already told him that his drinking problem has to stop yet he hasnt do anything then its time to assess your situation and see if its still worth it to be with him coz he doesnt really love you, he is just using you as a support when he needs one.
First of all, tell him he needs help with his alcohol problem and that you are willing to help him in his recovery. Second make sure he stays away from it, because the more he has, the worst it's gonna get. Are you just gonna sit around and do nothing in this situation? Or are you gonna take that stand and finally do something about it. I highly suggest that you do something about the predicament that your in and save this relationship before it's too late.
Everyone can change, it's just a matter of whether they will or won't. Try to be supportive of his decision to quit drinking, i.e. staying home to do alcohol-free events like watching movies or just avoiding the bar scene in general. When you're in a relationship with someone, it has to be a joint effort or it will likely fail. If he proves himself in thought, word and deed, then you have what it is you're looking for. If he continues to say he's going to quit but doesn't cease the asinine behavior, it might be time to move on. An individual changes when s/he wants to, which unfortunately doesn't always coincide with what the other person wants. It takes a lot more strength to pull oneself out of a negative situation than it does to stay in one. Good luck!
honey, hes the one that needs to deal with it, you sound like a

sweet lady, if he won,t stop for him self theres no chanch

he will stop for you, my ex wife, is one she did not stop for me

so now i live alone with my kids, its been hard, but its been better

good luck.
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