Tuesday, November 16, 2010

How does a recovering alcoholic deal with a spouse who is an active alcoholic?

I have been a pretty terrible alcoholic for longer than I have ever known my husband. Now that I am trying to get honest with myself and get my life on track, I am starting to notice that he has a pretty big problem too! I was always worse, but now that I am a bit more lucid in my thinking, I am not only discovering the depth of his problem, but the danger it poses not only to our marriage and our kids, but also to the success of my sobriety! How can I handle this in a loving way, that would be beneficial to both of us? I know that he will only decide to change when and if he is ever ready, but it is very much in my face, so this is something that I can't easily avoid. I want to avoid resentments, but that is becoming quite a challenge.How does a recovering alcoholic deal with a spouse who is an active alcoholic?
From the language you are using: ';recovering'; ';sobriety';, ';resentments';, ';getting honest with myself'; it appears that you are in AA.

So was I, for many years after I quit drinking back in 1998. In the spirit of full disclosure, I have to tell you that there is no love lost between the program and me. I feel that my years there were more harmful than helpful.

Accordingly, I don't have a single whit of ';program'; wisdom for you. But I will tell you this, and this is based on 11 years of what you refer to as ';sobriety';: your husband's drinking is NOT going to affect your ';sobriety'; unless you let it. You are right that any decision to quit has to be up to him. If he makes such a decision, fine. If not, and his drinking remains a problem, then you can stay and deal with it or you can go.

What you shouldn't be doing is saying ';I can't stay sober with this guy in the house.';

Sure you can. Unless he throws you down and pours the booze down your throat, you are always in control of your own ';sobriety.';How does a recovering alcoholic deal with a spouse who is an active alcoholic?
Your sobriety comes first! If he continues to follow the path he is on and not willing to make the necessary changes, then remove yourself from the equation. Your sobriety ALWAYS comes first, everything else is second. I too am a recovering alcoholic
Leave him or go to Al Anon meetings
No such life is come with out challenge. Best solve problems is Communication. If you two love each other and care for each other and what is going to happen to your family than you two sit down and talk. Seek for help. counseling also help.

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