Tuesday, November 16, 2010

How to deal with an alcoholic spouse?

My husband drinks almost everyday. He drinks so much that it takes almost a 24 pack for him to really get drunk. Here's the problem. He becomes angry when he's drunk. He's unpredictable. He's become verbally and physically abusive a few times and won't remember much about it the next day. How do you even talk to them about their behavior while drunk if they can't even remember it? Apologies don't work because its not sincere b/c he don't remember why he's apologizing.How to deal with an alcoholic spouse?
You don't talk to them about their behavior when they're drunk. You talk to him when he's sober.

You need Al-Anon in the worst way. It is a self-help group for people related to alcoholics. There you will find support and learn how to live as well as possible with the alcoholic and avoid enabling him.How to deal with an alcoholic spouse?
You don't talk to someone when they are intoxicated and expect anything coherent or good to come from it. He needs to stop the behaviour all together, get himself into some sort of treatment program and you possibly need to leave until he does so.

EDIT: yea dcgirl, she should just go to alanon meetings and counseling, and then talk to him about it. I'm sure that will protect her from his abuse and fix the problem right away.
if you cant beat him join him
Go see a therapist or attend some Al-Anon meetings on your own first, so you can learn how to confront your husband and be effective at it. It's not easy to convince an alcoholic that they have a problem. You will probably have some difficult decisions ahead of you; for example, if he won't stop drinking, will you choose to leave him? But before you reach those points, you have to learn how to get your point across, in terms that he will understand and can't deny. You must seek outside help in trying to figure out how to talk to him, because the ways you have been trying have obviously not worked so far. You have to get some help for yourself before you can help him.
You can not talk to an alcoholic, you can not convince them to quit drinking. He is addicted to alcohol and until HE recognizes that he has a problem and wants help there is nothing that you can do. I suggest that you join Al Anon it is an organization for families of people with addictions, they will give you support as well as information on how to deal with the problem. Good luck
He needs a reality check. Take pictures of him while he's really drunk or video tape him if you can. Seeing yourself in the state you can't remember the next day is a real eye opener.
I'm glad your getting lots of advice to go to Al-Anon. Its not the same as AA. The people there are all dealing with the same issues as you. Namely, how to get the best out of a situation over which you have no control? There are things that work, and many things that either don't wor or make things worse. Use the experience of those that have come before you. Addiction is nothing to fool around with. Get serious help and don't try and figure it out on your own.
They call what your husband has the Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde Syndrome. He is probably a great gut when not drinking? Put some Booze into him and he turns into something else all together. People on here are suggesting you try AL-Anon and that would be my suggestion also. Al-Anon is for people who have Alcoholics in their lives and do not know how to deal with them when they turn into this other person. The fact that your husband does not remember what he did to you the next day is normal for someone who Blacks out. He needs help. If you love your husband, Talk to him when he is sober let him know what he is doing and how it is affecting you. If you must you may have to leave for a little while to wake him up to his problem. If he loves you he will do whatever it takes to keep you.He is a Alcoholic but only he can admit this. Good luck. It will not happen over night, it will be a process. Be Strong.
Hi, I was a chronic alcoholic for nrearly thirty years, so I know both sides of this story. You have two alternatives:

1%26gt; Get him to address his problem and seek help

2%26gt; Leave him

It's a tough one because the alcoholic will only quit when he is ready and there really is nothing you can do apart from offer an ultimatum.

If he loves you more than his alcohol, he will wake up and do something about it. I have a lot of resources on my website in the box below which will help you, you can also message me on Twitter if you need any further advice.

Take care, my thoughts are with you.

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